How is it that passion can come from something so small and simple, like a conversation with a friend and yet also come from something so huge as a conference? How is it that passion can die out so quickly when put back in a normal setting? Why is it when you are passionate about something, it is so hard to sometimes act on that? Why am I so trapped in a moment where I am so driven by my life, my faith and church, that I find it so hard to act upon things? I find it so easy to sit and talk to friends who share similar passions and desires, yet I cannot bring myself to act upon what I am so passionate about? Why do I shy away from moments that I can put my passions into things or say what is burning in my heart? Why is it that sometimes opportunities are not always given for others to share passions and desires?
I have so many questions going around my head at the moment, where I have just come home from my Hillsong Small Group and a conversation with the lovely Meagan Wilson. I have so many things that are not my heart atthe moment, so mnay things I am excited about, so many desires, so many concerns, so many challenges and it is so hard to start listing them and talking about them or even begin to answer some of the questions above.
It is way past my bed time, especially on a Uni night, yet coming home from the Wilson's house after a challenging and passionate small group and an awesome conversation with Meagan, I felt I needed to share my thoughts. There are so many things I see a need for change, so many desires, which are on my heart and so many challenges that I was faced with tonight. I honestly don't know where to start. I believe it is all about conversations, and I guess I have started with my conversations with the people in my Hillsong Small Group and with Meagan, after it. However there is so much more and so many steps that I believe need to be put in place for things to happen, for desires and visions, to become reality, for passions to be followed through with and for my challenges to be wrestled with.
When I came back from Hillsong, I was so driven for my faith, for Youth Ministry and for passions in my life. I was so excited about life. However it didn't take long for the fire within me to start to diminish, where I was getting into the swing of my life again and other things came up. Once again, after Vetamorphus Retreats there were so many things I was excited by and encouraged by, however that fire diminished also. Furthermore, I have had conversations or mentor session where I come away so excited, passionate and driven, yet always fall short of acting upon those things that are within my heart. So many events and circumstances, however big or small, create a spark within people, however so quickly and without recognition, the fire dies down within us. Everything I come away from, every event, conversation or circumstance sparks something within me, but it is only a temporary thing. This upsets me greatly and I do not want this to happen this time. I am adament that I want this conversation with Meagan to continue, for my passion for church, youth ministry and faith to continue and for excitement in all my relationships and in my life in general to continue. I do not want any of it to die down. I am so passionate at the moment and so excited about what the future holds for my life and the life of our church at Doncaster. I can see great things happening within that church, as we do not only have a fantastic leadership team at the moment, but we have an awesome group of young adults coming through at the moment. We have so many capable people in our church and I want each and everyone of us to be used, to be apart of God's plan for our church, to achieve the call that God has for our lives. I want action to start happening in my faith, in the church and within every aspect of my life. I am excited about what the future holds.
Why wait for action, create it!
Thursday 20 September 2007
Tuesday 4 September 2007
Christian Material
Today I went to look in 'Word' and 'Koorong', which are Christian shops, for a study book for my Girls Small Group and also have a look for some more books to read, as I am so keen on reading Christian Books at the moment. I went with my school friend, Alison, who is a Christian and goes to Ringwood Church of Christ. It was great being able to go and walk around looking at the diffierent topics that are available to read, especially sharing it with a friend.
In some sense it is so excessive and there are so many books with so many different topics and different authors of similar topics. I really want another book to read, but I don't know what topic to choose, or which author would have the best insight, or what it is I want to gain from reading the books. I am looking at Youth Ministery books, as I feel this is an area in my life that God is calling me towards and I want to be able to stretch my knowledge, faith and compassion in this area. I am going to go back again in the next week to get a study book for mine and Chelsea's Girls Small Group, however I don't know where to start for that either, as there are so many topics that would benefit the girls and are so relevent.
I have just finished reading a book called 'The Heavenly Man', which is about a Chinese man who was introduced to Christianity at the age of 16 and throughout the rest of his life he went through a lot of persecution for his faith. He was in and out of gaol and beaten regularly. He and his family for continually on the run and went away from a normal life, just so they could spread the word of the Lord. They stood up for what they believe in, no matter what persecution they met. I was, as I was reading, and still am in total awe of the way in which he is so passionate about his faith and God, not allowing any presecution to make him question his faith. He put so much trust and love in God to get him through everyday.
There is so much Christian Material out there and I don't know where to start with it. I find that it is excessive, but can be so beneficial to peoples faith and being able to stretch yourself. In being able to read others experiences makes me question my faith, which allows me to continually think about my faith, where I am not falling into the trap of being a Sunday Christian, so just worshipping on a Sunday.
I have no idea which book I am going to get next or what book I will get for my Girls. I just hope in some way they will benefit from it and can grow in their faith through it.
In some sense it is so excessive and there are so many books with so many different topics and different authors of similar topics. I really want another book to read, but I don't know what topic to choose, or which author would have the best insight, or what it is I want to gain from reading the books. I am looking at Youth Ministery books, as I feel this is an area in my life that God is calling me towards and I want to be able to stretch my knowledge, faith and compassion in this area. I am going to go back again in the next week to get a study book for mine and Chelsea's Girls Small Group, however I don't know where to start for that either, as there are so many topics that would benefit the girls and are so relevent.
I have just finished reading a book called 'The Heavenly Man', which is about a Chinese man who was introduced to Christianity at the age of 16 and throughout the rest of his life he went through a lot of persecution for his faith. He was in and out of gaol and beaten regularly. He and his family for continually on the run and went away from a normal life, just so they could spread the word of the Lord. They stood up for what they believe in, no matter what persecution they met. I was, as I was reading, and still am in total awe of the way in which he is so passionate about his faith and God, not allowing any presecution to make him question his faith. He put so much trust and love in God to get him through everyday.
There is so much Christian Material out there and I don't know where to start with it. I find that it is excessive, but can be so beneficial to peoples faith and being able to stretch yourself. In being able to read others experiences makes me question my faith, which allows me to continually think about my faith, where I am not falling into the trap of being a Sunday Christian, so just worshipping on a Sunday.
I have no idea which book I am going to get next or what book I will get for my Girls. I just hope in some way they will benefit from it and can grow in their faith through it.
Tuesday 28 August 2007
Frustrating
I am really struggling at the moment with finding the balance in how often I can see Jono. Both my parents and Jono's parents are becoming increasingly annoying about the work load for Jono, and it is continually frustrating me and him. This week particularly has been hard, I have had to call off two possible days of seeing him because of my mum not allowing it and it is so frustrating, especially as I have the means to travel there by driving. The temptation is a lot stronger in having a car, as I can be to Jono in 15 minutes, yet I know I would be shot if I left.
I was glad today that I allowed Jono the time to study and get through a lot of his work. I was really proud of him for doing solid hours of work today and also proud of myself for holding back the temptation of driving to see him. I then was invited to dinner tomorrow night, however in telling this to mum, she said I couldn't even though it is just for dinner, nothing else. It isn't to hang out, all I would be doing is going for dinner and leaving straight after, yet I am not even allowed to do that. I also cannot just go and deceive mum, I need to get her permission, but she is persisting with what she has said and I am getting increasingly annoyed about it.
I have been through year 12, I know you have to do a lot of work and it is starting to get to the serious end of the year, but honestly, not allowing me to just go over for dinner is so over protective. I care a lot about Jono and I am not going to distract him from his work, to the point where I am over at his house everyday for an excessive amount of hours. It is so hard to be supportive and say all the write things, like, "it'll be over soon and then we'll have all the time in the world", it is true, but it is so hard. I have been through year 12 with a boyfriend and I know it is difficult, but I am finding it so hard to stick with it and persist with holding back in spending time with Jono. Ah, I am so frustrated and annoyed at the moment and I don't know what to do. I want to throw something or yell at mum, but I know neither of them will work, neither of them will help in getting time with Jono.
I know this is going to get harder as the time goes on, as the work load will only increase, but it is already so hard. So where do I go from here, beg mum to allow me to go for dinner, deceive mum, be patient, throw something, take all my anger out on everyone else in the family (already done this), blog about my frustration (doing it), sit on the phone for hours with Jono. I have no idea what I want to do, all I know is that I want to see Jono without parents breathing down our necks, telling us what to do.
Ah frustration.
I was glad today that I allowed Jono the time to study and get through a lot of his work. I was really proud of him for doing solid hours of work today and also proud of myself for holding back the temptation of driving to see him. I then was invited to dinner tomorrow night, however in telling this to mum, she said I couldn't even though it is just for dinner, nothing else. It isn't to hang out, all I would be doing is going for dinner and leaving straight after, yet I am not even allowed to do that. I also cannot just go and deceive mum, I need to get her permission, but she is persisting with what she has said and I am getting increasingly annoyed about it.
I have been through year 12, I know you have to do a lot of work and it is starting to get to the serious end of the year, but honestly, not allowing me to just go over for dinner is so over protective. I care a lot about Jono and I am not going to distract him from his work, to the point where I am over at his house everyday for an excessive amount of hours. It is so hard to be supportive and say all the write things, like, "it'll be over soon and then we'll have all the time in the world", it is true, but it is so hard. I have been through year 12 with a boyfriend and I know it is difficult, but I am finding it so hard to stick with it and persist with holding back in spending time with Jono. Ah, I am so frustrated and annoyed at the moment and I don't know what to do. I want to throw something or yell at mum, but I know neither of them will work, neither of them will help in getting time with Jono.
I know this is going to get harder as the time goes on, as the work load will only increase, but it is already so hard. So where do I go from here, beg mum to allow me to go for dinner, deceive mum, be patient, throw something, take all my anger out on everyone else in the family (already done this), blog about my frustration (doing it), sit on the phone for hours with Jono. I have no idea what I want to do, all I know is that I want to see Jono without parents breathing down our necks, telling us what to do.
Ah frustration.
Friday 24 August 2007
Mother Figure
As soon as my parents leave the house, for one night or a month, I become the Mother Figure in my household. I become the one that everyone turns to for cleaning the house, cooking, looking after the dogs, doing the laundry or looking after everyone else. My parents go away a lot and consequently, I am in charge a lot. Actually come to think of it, even when my parents are here, I am the Mother Figure, or second in charge. Mum calls on me for so much and so does everyone else in the family.
My parents left for Sydney yesterday, and so I was promoted to Mother Figure as soon as they left. I came home from work late last night, to find out that no one had saved me dinner. That was no problem, I just threw in some toast and had that. Then I looked at the state of the kitchen, there was crap everywhere and it was all Cameron's mess from his dinner. Fortunately he had fed the dogs, so I couldn't be too angry, so I emptied the dishwasher, stacked it again with all of the plates that had been left from Cam's dinner. I then got rid of all the rubbish on the bench that he had left. I wiped down the bench and once again the kitchen was restored to spotless area.
I then went onto the computer, just to check emails, do blob etc. I was on there for about 10 minutes before Brendan and Ally walked through the door from a Soccer dinner. Not long after they walked in, Brendan yelled for me to come to the kitchen. So I jumped off, left a very important MSN conversation and went to Brendan. He gave me this stupid little stare and asked if I could make him pancakes. Apparently the food at the soccer dinner was horrible and he was hungry. I said no and that I wanted to go to bed soon, that I had just cleaned up after Cam, got home to no dinner for me and was talking to someone on MSN. Well Brendan didn't like that at all, he called me selfish and said that I never do anything for him. Ally then came into the conversation and said that I was selfish, backing Brendan up. Well I just left, I wasn't going to stick around to have an arguement with them, even though they continued to yell at me, calling me selfish as I left.
This morning I got up earlier then needed and drove Ally to school, because she was tired from the Soccer Dinner, even though I went to bed later then her. I stayed up cleaning the house, put the dogs to bed, put away the crap left out after Brendan made pancakes and got ready for bed myself, all after I had tucked Ally into bed and gave her a kiss goodnight.
Thinking about it now, Ally really didn't deserve that lift to school this morning, not after the way she treated me last night. I am such a push over, when it comes to doing stuff for my siblings and for mum and dad. The annoying thing is that even if I told my parents about how I was treated while they were away, Cam, Bren and Ally, would deny that they did all of that, or say that it was just a joke. My parents will not do anything, however may just add to the load, by asking me to clean the house for them on arrival or make sure that Ally, gets to different places.
It is quite frustrating and I get roped into it every time my parents are not home, they could be overseas, interstate or just out of the house. I need a fairy godmother to help me or a second Lauren, so that I can have some decent nights sleep, able to do all my Uni work and help out around the house.
My parents left for Sydney yesterday, and so I was promoted to Mother Figure as soon as they left. I came home from work late last night, to find out that no one had saved me dinner. That was no problem, I just threw in some toast and had that. Then I looked at the state of the kitchen, there was crap everywhere and it was all Cameron's mess from his dinner. Fortunately he had fed the dogs, so I couldn't be too angry, so I emptied the dishwasher, stacked it again with all of the plates that had been left from Cam's dinner. I then got rid of all the rubbish on the bench that he had left. I wiped down the bench and once again the kitchen was restored to spotless area.
I then went onto the computer, just to check emails, do blob etc. I was on there for about 10 minutes before Brendan and Ally walked through the door from a Soccer dinner. Not long after they walked in, Brendan yelled for me to come to the kitchen. So I jumped off, left a very important MSN conversation and went to Brendan. He gave me this stupid little stare and asked if I could make him pancakes. Apparently the food at the soccer dinner was horrible and he was hungry. I said no and that I wanted to go to bed soon, that I had just cleaned up after Cam, got home to no dinner for me and was talking to someone on MSN. Well Brendan didn't like that at all, he called me selfish and said that I never do anything for him. Ally then came into the conversation and said that I was selfish, backing Brendan up. Well I just left, I wasn't going to stick around to have an arguement with them, even though they continued to yell at me, calling me selfish as I left.
This morning I got up earlier then needed and drove Ally to school, because she was tired from the Soccer Dinner, even though I went to bed later then her. I stayed up cleaning the house, put the dogs to bed, put away the crap left out after Brendan made pancakes and got ready for bed myself, all after I had tucked Ally into bed and gave her a kiss goodnight.
Thinking about it now, Ally really didn't deserve that lift to school this morning, not after the way she treated me last night. I am such a push over, when it comes to doing stuff for my siblings and for mum and dad. The annoying thing is that even if I told my parents about how I was treated while they were away, Cam, Bren and Ally, would deny that they did all of that, or say that it was just a joke. My parents will not do anything, however may just add to the load, by asking me to clean the house for them on arrival or make sure that Ally, gets to different places.
It is quite frustrating and I get roped into it every time my parents are not home, they could be overseas, interstate or just out of the house. I need a fairy godmother to help me or a second Lauren, so that I can have some decent nights sleep, able to do all my Uni work and help out around the house.
Wednesday 22 August 2007
Travel
My family and I had a discussion over dinner the other night about travel. We are in the process of thinking about where we are going for the Christmas Holidays. Some of the suggestions have been Thailand, Africa, China and America. Ally, my sister, is going to be on exchange in France, so she doesn't want us to go anywhere, so that she doesn't miss out. I don't know how she could think she was missing out when she is having Christmas in France?? Brendan was planning on being in Spain with friends, yet isn't going anymore, so is keen for a trip overseas. Cameron never comes on family trips anymore, which led to his arguement. Cameron feels that he has missed out on many overseas trips that as a family we have been on. Cameron has missed out, he didn't come to Hong Kong, Singapore, Vietnam or France (even though I was the only one to go to France). Cameron is 23 years old and has got to a place where he doesn't want to come on family holidays with us anymore. He thinks he is too cool, as if. His aguement was that Mum and Dad should pay for a flight for him to go overseas with friends, because they haven't paid for a trip for him. Mum and Dad have said that they would be happy to pay for his flight if he came on a family holiday, but won't pay if he is going with friends. Is this fair? I personally think that Cam should pay for a flight when going with friends or by himself, but Mum and Dad pay if he comes on a family holiday. I would like someone elses opinion. Just so you know, he has a full-time job and has become quite wealthy, to the point where he is able to buy an apartment to move into, however he is still looking.
I absolutely love travelling. I love going somewhere new and exploring everything about it. I have an obsession with maps, looking at where I am going, knowing all the sights and working my way around an area. I am hoping that I get a map soon to put up in my room and then pin all the places I have been to already and also the places I hope to go to. I have a goal with my travelling and that is to visit each of the Seven Wonders of the World. I am fascinated by them and so far I have seen two out of seven. Different people have differing opinions as to the classification of the Seven Wonders of the World. For me it is Eiffel Tower, Coloseum, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Taj Mahal, Golden Gate Bridge, Great Wall of China and the Sphinx. So far I have seen the Golden Gate Bridge and the Eiffel Tower.
Not only do I love overseas travel, but I really enjoy travelling around Australia. So far I have only been on the East Coast, from the very top in Cairns, to down on the Penninsula. In a couple of years time, my two American/Australian cousins, Jess and Amy, my sister and I are hoping to go on a Road Trip around Australia together. This will hopefully happen when Amy and Ally finish School. Jess finishes next year in June and Amy finishes the year after in June, along with Ally in November.
My parents travel a lot for work and for their own enjoyment. Dad just got back from conferences in Hong Kong and China and then Mum and Dad are off again in a few weeks time, where they will consequently miss out on my birthday. I have no idea where they are going, but I know it is overseas, I am thinking it is America. High on the places for my parents include Sydney, as we have an office there (actually they are leaving for there tonight), New Zealand, as we have an office there too, America, some of our products are in operation there, Asia, because Dad is at a lot of conferences and parts of Europe, like Denmark as Dad is working on a product in conjunction with a man that lives there. My parents travel a lot, which is sometimes really hard to deal with as I am in charge, but it is also sad, when they miss things like my birthday.
So there are still discussions going on as to where we as a family are going for the holidays. At the last minute my parents will tell us where we are going and I cannot wait to find out where it will be.
I absolutely love travelling. I love going somewhere new and exploring everything about it. I have an obsession with maps, looking at where I am going, knowing all the sights and working my way around an area. I am hoping that I get a map soon to put up in my room and then pin all the places I have been to already and also the places I hope to go to. I have a goal with my travelling and that is to visit each of the Seven Wonders of the World. I am fascinated by them and so far I have seen two out of seven. Different people have differing opinions as to the classification of the Seven Wonders of the World. For me it is Eiffel Tower, Coloseum, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Taj Mahal, Golden Gate Bridge, Great Wall of China and the Sphinx. So far I have seen the Golden Gate Bridge and the Eiffel Tower.
Not only do I love overseas travel, but I really enjoy travelling around Australia. So far I have only been on the East Coast, from the very top in Cairns, to down on the Penninsula. In a couple of years time, my two American/Australian cousins, Jess and Amy, my sister and I are hoping to go on a Road Trip around Australia together. This will hopefully happen when Amy and Ally finish School. Jess finishes next year in June and Amy finishes the year after in June, along with Ally in November.
My parents travel a lot for work and for their own enjoyment. Dad just got back from conferences in Hong Kong and China and then Mum and Dad are off again in a few weeks time, where they will consequently miss out on my birthday. I have no idea where they are going, but I know it is overseas, I am thinking it is America. High on the places for my parents include Sydney, as we have an office there (actually they are leaving for there tonight), New Zealand, as we have an office there too, America, some of our products are in operation there, Asia, because Dad is at a lot of conferences and parts of Europe, like Denmark as Dad is working on a product in conjunction with a man that lives there. My parents travel a lot, which is sometimes really hard to deal with as I am in charge, but it is also sad, when they miss things like my birthday.
So there are still discussions going on as to where we as a family are going for the holidays. At the last minute my parents will tell us where we are going and I cannot wait to find out where it will be.
Friday 17 August 2007
Uni
Uni...where to start? I actually really enjoy Uni. I have a great group of friends there, who I get along with really well. I love most of my subjects, this is not including 'The Physical Environment', mainly because my lecturer makes me fall asleep and we have practicals where we have to study rocks for three hours.
I enjoy going to Uni so much, even more now that I have my license and can be home in 20 minutes or get to Uni in 20 minutes. However lately I am not going, I have been really unwell and for some reason I cannot find motivation to go to my letures or tutes. I feel really bad because I am missing so much Uni. I love it when I am there, yet I am only going in twice a week. I go on Wednesdays and Fridays. Monday, I have one lecture for Maths and it is easy, so I don't go to that, Tuesday, I don't have anything and Thursday, I have two lectures, but they are so boring that I don't go. Therefore I am at Uni twice a week and I have a friend in every class and lecture, it is fantastic.
I really don't have much to say about Uni, I just felt like writing about it, as it is a big part of my life. At the start of the year, I was so apprehensive about going as I had never had to change schools, so I wasn't use to making new friends and I didn't know how I would cope in a new environment. However, everyone, especially in Education, are so nice and welcoming. Being in second year Uni will be weird next year, I will feel so old, I don't want to grow up. Speaking of which, I am going to be 19 years old in about three weeks time, yuck, I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow old.
Well I have my day off from Uni today and so I can do whatever I like, I have done all my Uni work for the week, now I better go get some other Uni stuff organised or maybe start looking at my next assignments, do things in advance, what an idea, instead of leaving it to the night before...I take that back, leaving assignments to the night before is my way of doing things, they may not be quality, yet I get them over and done with, even if there is great stress. Yesterday I handed an assignment in two minutes before the office was going to close, it was a close call. I felt very fulfilled handing it in, however I felt like crap at the same time, because I knew what I had handed in was crap. It is done now and I cannot take it back. On a happier note, I had an online test today for Maths. I had to answer 30 Mulitple Choice Questions and I got 84%, which I am so happy about.
Well I am off to Uni tomorrow and I plan on staying all day and I will probably enjoy it as I have two close friends, Courtney and Jess, with me all day.
I enjoy going to Uni so much, even more now that I have my license and can be home in 20 minutes or get to Uni in 20 minutes. However lately I am not going, I have been really unwell and for some reason I cannot find motivation to go to my letures or tutes. I feel really bad because I am missing so much Uni. I love it when I am there, yet I am only going in twice a week. I go on Wednesdays and Fridays. Monday, I have one lecture for Maths and it is easy, so I don't go to that, Tuesday, I don't have anything and Thursday, I have two lectures, but they are so boring that I don't go. Therefore I am at Uni twice a week and I have a friend in every class and lecture, it is fantastic.
I really don't have much to say about Uni, I just felt like writing about it, as it is a big part of my life. At the start of the year, I was so apprehensive about going as I had never had to change schools, so I wasn't use to making new friends and I didn't know how I would cope in a new environment. However, everyone, especially in Education, are so nice and welcoming. Being in second year Uni will be weird next year, I will feel so old, I don't want to grow up. Speaking of which, I am going to be 19 years old in about three weeks time, yuck, I want to be like Peter Pan and never grow old.
Well I have my day off from Uni today and so I can do whatever I like, I have done all my Uni work for the week, now I better go get some other Uni stuff organised or maybe start looking at my next assignments, do things in advance, what an idea, instead of leaving it to the night before...I take that back, leaving assignments to the night before is my way of doing things, they may not be quality, yet I get them over and done with, even if there is great stress. Yesterday I handed an assignment in two minutes before the office was going to close, it was a close call. I felt very fulfilled handing it in, however I felt like crap at the same time, because I knew what I had handed in was crap. It is done now and I cannot take it back. On a happier note, I had an online test today for Maths. I had to answer 30 Mulitple Choice Questions and I got 84%, which I am so happy about.
Well I am off to Uni tomorrow and I plan on staying all day and I will probably enjoy it as I have two close friends, Courtney and Jess, with me all day.
Thursday 9 August 2007
Nightmares Aftermath
The truth is, I am now feeling so encouraged after what happened the other night. All those dreams, the sleepless night, my prayer when everything outside was making me scared and the constant questions that were thrown at me right throughout all the dreams, I now believe was an attack. I was speaking to Sarah Clarke yesterday, who read my blog and an email that I wrote to her because I was so upset and didn't know where else to turn, said that she also thought that what happened to me the other night was an attack.
I came to believe at Hillsong that when you are doing so much good in your life and through your faith, you are sometimes met with obstacles when you are almost there. This friday, I have been given the opportunity to speak to the youth at Doncaster Church of Christ through a devotional. Simon came up with the idea of getting the youth leaders to do a devotional at some of the Youth Group nights and I am up first. I was a little worried about the devotional, but after a great chat to Sarah Clarke, one of my mentors and friends, last Saturday afternoon, I am feeling so calm about it, knowing that God has given me this opportunity, where I can share with the kids part of my faith and allow them to be shown the glory of God.
Therefore the obstacle that I experienced the other night, where I was meant to question my faith, my relationship with Jono and various other friendhsips, within my dreams, I saw that everything in my life at the moment is so right. I am committed to everything, I am persuaded and I believe that I am on a right journey in my life. That attack was meant to hold me back, but all it has done is make me a lot stronger and sure that the things I was meant to question are all right.
I was definately not one that believed in attacks prior to the other night. I have heard a lot about them and I was still really deciding what I thought about them. However particularly through my chat with Sarah, I felt so encouraged and actually excited about my faith and my relationships. I cannot believe I was as strong as I was the other night, especially to pray when there was so much happening outside and feeling like there was so much evil in my room. I am now even more excited about where God is leading me and how he is going to use me especially on Friday night for Youth Group.
I came to believe at Hillsong that when you are doing so much good in your life and through your faith, you are sometimes met with obstacles when you are almost there. This friday, I have been given the opportunity to speak to the youth at Doncaster Church of Christ through a devotional. Simon came up with the idea of getting the youth leaders to do a devotional at some of the Youth Group nights and I am up first. I was a little worried about the devotional, but after a great chat to Sarah Clarke, one of my mentors and friends, last Saturday afternoon, I am feeling so calm about it, knowing that God has given me this opportunity, where I can share with the kids part of my faith and allow them to be shown the glory of God.
Therefore the obstacle that I experienced the other night, where I was meant to question my faith, my relationship with Jono and various other friendhsips, within my dreams, I saw that everything in my life at the moment is so right. I am committed to everything, I am persuaded and I believe that I am on a right journey in my life. That attack was meant to hold me back, but all it has done is make me a lot stronger and sure that the things I was meant to question are all right.
I was definately not one that believed in attacks prior to the other night. I have heard a lot about them and I was still really deciding what I thought about them. However particularly through my chat with Sarah, I felt so encouraged and actually excited about my faith and my relationships. I cannot believe I was as strong as I was the other night, especially to pray when there was so much happening outside and feeling like there was so much evil in my room. I am now even more excited about where God is leading me and how he is going to use me especially on Friday night for Youth Group.
Wednesday 8 August 2007
Nightmares
I am so shaken up right now, which may come from lack of sleep, infact 3 hours sleep. I am finding it really hard to type and discern what it is that has made me react the way I did. Last night I had a very sleepless night. I went to bed at 11.30pm and couldn't sleep until about 2.30am, but woke up 10 minutes later being woken from a bad dream, so I lay there analysing and really not liking the dream I had, where parts of it could have quite easily seemed true and could still come true. I went to sleep again at 3.30am, yet woke up 5 minutes later only to have had another bad dream. Once again I lay there analysing the dream, thinking it was real when I woke with a shock. By this stage I was sweating, but was going between hot and cold. I went back to sleep at 4.45am, yet woke up again 15 minutes later after the most horrible dream of my life. This dream I thought was real, I woke up really shocked, thinking that someone was touching me. I kept looking around my room, not knowing what to expect. I still thought that this dream was real and reached for my phone to tell the person it involved, yet as I continued to analyse the dream and where I was and who it was about I realised that it wasn't real. However I am so shaken up about this dream particularly as it could still come true. It is something that I have been questioning for awhile, yet I had got to the stage where I had forgotten about it and was so happy with life that I never wanted to turn back. Anwyay, by that stage I got up out of my bed and went to the toilet. It is now just after 5am and I continued to lay in bed. I reached to God in prayer, I didn't know what else to do, who else to turn to as no one is ever awake at this time. As I started to pray everything outside seemed to awake as well, my windows were shaking and the wind was picking up outside. I was so scared, but it is particularly heightened being night time. Well I couldn't sleep. I was awake then until 6.15am, hoping that in 15 minutes I could call or message someone, but I fell back asleep. I woke up again with another shock, with the falling feeling you sometimes get. I then was able to message someone, looking for comfort and support. I lay awake, got a reply from someone and then fell back asleep, only to wake up again to the sound of my alarm.
Last night was a horrible night, where I truly believe that there was so much evil in my room and so many things outside trying to upset me, especially when I was reaching for God. I am very much a sceptic of Spiritual Warfare, yet last night made me think differently about it. Spiritual Warfare has been explained to me many times and so have anxiety dreams, both of which I was questioning last night. Everything I dreamt felt so real and has made me feel very unbalanced this morning, even when I was walking to Uni, I felt so scared and I started crying, even though it is such a lovely day outside. Last night I was telling myself prior to going to bed that I had to rise above all the judgements that come from being in a new relationship and all the critisism that I face on a day to day basis about different things. I must continue to rise above the awful dreams I had last night and not let them effect me either.
Last night was a horrible night, where I truly believe that there was so much evil in my room and so many things outside trying to upset me, especially when I was reaching for God. I am very much a sceptic of Spiritual Warfare, yet last night made me think differently about it. Spiritual Warfare has been explained to me many times and so have anxiety dreams, both of which I was questioning last night. Everything I dreamt felt so real and has made me feel very unbalanced this morning, even when I was walking to Uni, I felt so scared and I started crying, even though it is such a lovely day outside. Last night I was telling myself prior to going to bed that I had to rise above all the judgements that come from being in a new relationship and all the critisism that I face on a day to day basis about different things. I must continue to rise above the awful dreams I had last night and not let them effect me either.
Wednesday 1 August 2007
God - my views
I just got challenged while speaking to a friend of mine from school, about writing a blog about God. He was intersted in reading my views on faith and God. My friend from school, Vinnie, is not a Christian, however has always been fascinated with my faith, especially when I did the Vetamorphus readings and also hearing about the things I was doing in Texts and Traditions, which is a subject studying John's Gospel. He and I have known one another since Prep, so are long time friends and I often loved sharing with him about my faith at school, because he seemed so excited about it.
Vinnie asked me this question...
Is it important to have a faith?
I was talking at Schoolies to a friend, Claire, who is atheist, therefore doesn't believe in anything. I was telling her that I was a Christian, so we started chatting about it. I said to her that it is sometimes hard to be a Christian as people often see you as weird and associate you with the evangelising stereotype. I also said that it is often hard to stand up and have confidence, especially in a school setting, when it comes to telling people that you are a Christian. Claire responded telling me that it was a lot harder being an atheist because you don't have a purpose in life, you are not living for something, something that is greater than you. She also told me that when you die, you just die, being an atheist is far more depressing because when you die, you have nothing to look forward to, for Christians there is heaven. This was really affirming of my faith.
So now using the story from above and kind of contradicting myself a little, I have to say that in some respects it is not that important to have a faith, however if you take the side that Claire took, it is important to have a faith. I have a faith because I was firstly brought to a church when I was younger, however I moved to owning it myself. I now own it because it gives my life depth, purpose and meaning. I have love for God and I wouldn't want my life any other way. However there are people who it isn't important for. If you live your life decently, with morals and values, similar to those that Christians live there lives by, I don't think it is important for you to have a faith to back it up. As a Christian, you are given an abundance of blessings in life and amazing riches when your life ends in heaven. You have a support of unconditional love from God, He is neverfaultering and unchanging in His love. He will continue to love those that don't have a faith, but ultimately it is a life choice and one that I have made because I think it is right. However it is not important for everyone to live a Christian life. It is great having something to believe in and live my life for. At the end of the day, God loves everyone and I know I can always turn to him in times when I need comfort or when I want to thank Him for a blessing that He has given me.
For me it is important to have a faith, however living a life with faith for other people isn't important. I just know that I have something to live for and give my life meaning. If you feel that it is important to live a life with purpose and meaning, living a life for something far greater than you, than I think it is important to have a faith. However, if you don't think it is important just remember to live your life decently with good morals and values, God will love you no matter what.
Well these are my views as a Christian or a section of them, it is hard to put my faith into words. There are so many differing views and beliefs, which is important, as it can strengthen what you believe, challenge you and continue your faith growth and journey. I know I am on a never ending journey with my faith, but it is something I am excited and passionate about. A lot of what I have said can constitue as being such Sunday School answers to faith, but I am so genuine about it all.
I hope this satisfies what Vinnie was after when challenging me to write this blog, however I was glad I did it. God is why I live and what I am living for, so it is a very important aspect of my life.
Vinnie asked me this question...
Is it important to have a faith?
I was talking at Schoolies to a friend, Claire, who is atheist, therefore doesn't believe in anything. I was telling her that I was a Christian, so we started chatting about it. I said to her that it is sometimes hard to be a Christian as people often see you as weird and associate you with the evangelising stereotype. I also said that it is often hard to stand up and have confidence, especially in a school setting, when it comes to telling people that you are a Christian. Claire responded telling me that it was a lot harder being an atheist because you don't have a purpose in life, you are not living for something, something that is greater than you. She also told me that when you die, you just die, being an atheist is far more depressing because when you die, you have nothing to look forward to, for Christians there is heaven. This was really affirming of my faith.
So now using the story from above and kind of contradicting myself a little, I have to say that in some respects it is not that important to have a faith, however if you take the side that Claire took, it is important to have a faith. I have a faith because I was firstly brought to a church when I was younger, however I moved to owning it myself. I now own it because it gives my life depth, purpose and meaning. I have love for God and I wouldn't want my life any other way. However there are people who it isn't important for. If you live your life decently, with morals and values, similar to those that Christians live there lives by, I don't think it is important for you to have a faith to back it up. As a Christian, you are given an abundance of blessings in life and amazing riches when your life ends in heaven. You have a support of unconditional love from God, He is neverfaultering and unchanging in His love. He will continue to love those that don't have a faith, but ultimately it is a life choice and one that I have made because I think it is right. However it is not important for everyone to live a Christian life. It is great having something to believe in and live my life for. At the end of the day, God loves everyone and I know I can always turn to him in times when I need comfort or when I want to thank Him for a blessing that He has given me.
For me it is important to have a faith, however living a life with faith for other people isn't important. I just know that I have something to live for and give my life meaning. If you feel that it is important to live a life with purpose and meaning, living a life for something far greater than you, than I think it is important to have a faith. However, if you don't think it is important just remember to live your life decently with good morals and values, God will love you no matter what.
Well these are my views as a Christian or a section of them, it is hard to put my faith into words. There are so many differing views and beliefs, which is important, as it can strengthen what you believe, challenge you and continue your faith growth and journey. I know I am on a never ending journey with my faith, but it is something I am excited and passionate about. A lot of what I have said can constitue as being such Sunday School answers to faith, but I am so genuine about it all.
I hope this satisfies what Vinnie was after when challenging me to write this blog, however I was glad I did it. God is why I live and what I am living for, so it is a very important aspect of my life.
Tuesday 31 July 2007
Balance
I don't know whether I should be putting this out while I am so fired up about things, however it may come across clearer if I do it now, when I am feeling the way I feel.
Balance has always been an issue for me. I always have to question where my priorities lie, who I am spending too much time with, whether I am allowing time for my own reflection and thought, whether I am spreading myself to thinly, whether I have too much happening for me to handle and a lot more. I often question these things so that it never comes back to bite me. However no matter what I do, no matter how much I think about the balance in my life, family and friends are always commenting on it. It seems I can never get it quite right and this annoys me so much, so much that I want to be able to throw a chair or something else in this room to let out some frustration. I am trying so hard these days to allow myself time, yet also allow time for my boyfriend, for school friends, church friends, for family, for church commitments, uni work and my job. Whether it is my boss, my parents, my friends, my sister, they are never happy with my balance. It is so unfair and I am becoming increasingly annoyed about it.
Sometimes I put myself out there and offer my time and myself, yet it is knocked back and the more it happens, the more it hurts. Yet then sometimes people turn around, even after I put myself out there and complain that I am not spending time with them. Gosh sometimes balancing everything is hard and surely people understand that.
I had a day today for myself, where I thought about Hillsong and Surrender and where I am going in life. Today was really needed and I am so glad I had it. However tonight after some complaints from various people including the huge ones from parents, I find myself again wanting time to myself, as there is more I need to sort through, playdates to organise, things to focus on, goals to be set and prioritise to be made. Apparently I am doing a crappy job of them at the moment and it is pulling me apart. I come back from a great, mega weekend and I am met with more obstacles. I know I am not the only one in this position, which is even harder as many people are facing battles and I want to be there for them, yet at the same time, I need to sit with my own thoughts and be selfish. I personally don't think it is wrong to be selfish, not all the time, but have time away from people before confronting things or taking steps or making decisions. I think it is really important to have your selfish moments.
Well after writing this blog, I don't know where I am left. I still have many questions, many things to face and people to talk to. I am not going to sleep for awhile, as I know I will stay awake thinking about all this crap. I wish I could just skip through the world, not having a care, with no conflict. That will never happen. All anyone has to do, is know that God is there by your side, helping you every step of the way, guiding you on your life journey with all the struggles along the way. I know it is hard to stay close to God when things are hectic, but I also know I have to do it. I have to trust in God that there is a brighter side, whenever that comes.
Things aren't terrible at the moment, they are actually pretty good, I am just getting annoyed at my constant judgement on balance, I don't find it fair at all. Everyone is trying there hardest and I get so angry when people are judged, yes I do it, but I am increasingly trying to stop because at the end of the day we are human and are doing our best.
Balance has always been an issue for me. I always have to question where my priorities lie, who I am spending too much time with, whether I am allowing time for my own reflection and thought, whether I am spreading myself to thinly, whether I have too much happening for me to handle and a lot more. I often question these things so that it never comes back to bite me. However no matter what I do, no matter how much I think about the balance in my life, family and friends are always commenting on it. It seems I can never get it quite right and this annoys me so much, so much that I want to be able to throw a chair or something else in this room to let out some frustration. I am trying so hard these days to allow myself time, yet also allow time for my boyfriend, for school friends, church friends, for family, for church commitments, uni work and my job. Whether it is my boss, my parents, my friends, my sister, they are never happy with my balance. It is so unfair and I am becoming increasingly annoyed about it.
Sometimes I put myself out there and offer my time and myself, yet it is knocked back and the more it happens, the more it hurts. Yet then sometimes people turn around, even after I put myself out there and complain that I am not spending time with them. Gosh sometimes balancing everything is hard and surely people understand that.
I had a day today for myself, where I thought about Hillsong and Surrender and where I am going in life. Today was really needed and I am so glad I had it. However tonight after some complaints from various people including the huge ones from parents, I find myself again wanting time to myself, as there is more I need to sort through, playdates to organise, things to focus on, goals to be set and prioritise to be made. Apparently I am doing a crappy job of them at the moment and it is pulling me apart. I come back from a great, mega weekend and I am met with more obstacles. I know I am not the only one in this position, which is even harder as many people are facing battles and I want to be there for them, yet at the same time, I need to sit with my own thoughts and be selfish. I personally don't think it is wrong to be selfish, not all the time, but have time away from people before confronting things or taking steps or making decisions. I think it is really important to have your selfish moments.
Well after writing this blog, I don't know where I am left. I still have many questions, many things to face and people to talk to. I am not going to sleep for awhile, as I know I will stay awake thinking about all this crap. I wish I could just skip through the world, not having a care, with no conflict. That will never happen. All anyone has to do, is know that God is there by your side, helping you every step of the way, guiding you on your life journey with all the struggles along the way. I know it is hard to stay close to God when things are hectic, but I also know I have to do it. I have to trust in God that there is a brighter side, whenever that comes.
Things aren't terrible at the moment, they are actually pretty good, I am just getting annoyed at my constant judgement on balance, I don't find it fair at all. Everyone is trying there hardest and I get so angry when people are judged, yes I do it, but I am increasingly trying to stop because at the end of the day we are human and are doing our best.
Sunday 29 July 2007
Surrender Conference and everything else inbetween
This weekend has been full on and so I will now attempt to sum it up in a short blog.
Ben and I went on Thursday night to Bindy and Simon's house to stay the night. We had an early start in the morning to get out to Belgrave Heights for the Surrender Conference. We had quite a few speakers, which I am still in the process of breaking down and sorting through, so I will not talk about any specific thing. I was at the Conference from 8:30am till 3:30pm. My mumm came and picked Ben and I up, leaving Bindy and Simon there. Mum took me home so that I could get ready for Jono's Melbourne High Formal. I got ready in in 10 minutes, I was so proud (however that doesn't include the shower I had). Anyway, as soon as I was ready mum drove me to Ringwood, where I meant my spunky looking boyfriend all dressed up in a lovely suit and an amazing tie. We ahd photos and then Karen, Jono's mum and Debbie, a family friend, took Jono and I to the before party. We hang out there for awhile and then jumped into an awesome Limo. Well we went to the Formal, which was a lot of fun and in soem respcets better than my Formal, as I didn't have any obligations to go talk to people, it was a lot more relaxing. At 12pm, I was able to give Jono is birthday kiss when he turned 18, which was really nice. We then went to Crown Casino, where Jono become addicted to gambling. From there, I got dropped back at Simon and Bindy's at 2am. I had a massive 5 hours sleep, getting woken at 7am the next morning for another packed day at the Surrender Conference. I went to some workshops, particularly looking at youth ministry things. The four of us, Bindy, Simon, Ben and I left at 5:30pm, not staying for the night session as we had Jono's 18th Birthday Party to go to. I got ready once again in 10mins and travelled over to Jono's so that I could give him his present and then people started arriving. Meanwhile Bindy, Simon and Ben were sleeping, where I missed out on some much needed napping. It didn't matter though. I had fun at Jono's party, it was a great evening. Ben and I left Jono's house at 2:30am and therefore got about 4 hours sleep, being woken my Bindy and Simon at 7am for another day at Conference. I only stayed till 10:30am, as I had to get back for a Hillsong meeting. I got home and was hurrying to get ready and didn't get enough time to sit and think abotu Surrender or Hillsong stuff in preparation for the meeting. The meeting went really well and it was great being able to share in where everyone is at with faith since coming back from an intense week at Hillsong. Then I had worship vocals, small group and church. I left early, so that I could come home and sleep.
Well it was an epic weekend. There were a lot of things that challenged me at Surrender and many things that I am thinking about. I am having intentional time tomorrow, to think about Hillsong and Surrender, but particulalry looking at what my next step is. I have got all this great information and a passion burning inside of me, especially for youth ministry and I want to utilise it.
I am exhausted after this weekend, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It was great to be able to hang out with Ben, Bindy and Simon at the Conference and share in that growth with. At the same time, it was great to be able to have two great nights for Jono.
Alright not going to check over this, to see all my spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I am way too tired for that. I am off to have dinner and then get some needed sleeping. I have a big day of thought processing tomorrow and I am excited.
Ben and I went on Thursday night to Bindy and Simon's house to stay the night. We had an early start in the morning to get out to Belgrave Heights for the Surrender Conference. We had quite a few speakers, which I am still in the process of breaking down and sorting through, so I will not talk about any specific thing. I was at the Conference from 8:30am till 3:30pm. My mumm came and picked Ben and I up, leaving Bindy and Simon there. Mum took me home so that I could get ready for Jono's Melbourne High Formal. I got ready in in 10 minutes, I was so proud (however that doesn't include the shower I had). Anyway, as soon as I was ready mum drove me to Ringwood, where I meant my spunky looking boyfriend all dressed up in a lovely suit and an amazing tie. We ahd photos and then Karen, Jono's mum and Debbie, a family friend, took Jono and I to the before party. We hang out there for awhile and then jumped into an awesome Limo. Well we went to the Formal, which was a lot of fun and in soem respcets better than my Formal, as I didn't have any obligations to go talk to people, it was a lot more relaxing. At 12pm, I was able to give Jono is birthday kiss when he turned 18, which was really nice. We then went to Crown Casino, where Jono become addicted to gambling. From there, I got dropped back at Simon and Bindy's at 2am. I had a massive 5 hours sleep, getting woken at 7am the next morning for another packed day at the Surrender Conference. I went to some workshops, particularly looking at youth ministry things. The four of us, Bindy, Simon, Ben and I left at 5:30pm, not staying for the night session as we had Jono's 18th Birthday Party to go to. I got ready once again in 10mins and travelled over to Jono's so that I could give him his present and then people started arriving. Meanwhile Bindy, Simon and Ben were sleeping, where I missed out on some much needed napping. It didn't matter though. I had fun at Jono's party, it was a great evening. Ben and I left Jono's house at 2:30am and therefore got about 4 hours sleep, being woken my Bindy and Simon at 7am for another day at Conference. I only stayed till 10:30am, as I had to get back for a Hillsong meeting. I got home and was hurrying to get ready and didn't get enough time to sit and think abotu Surrender or Hillsong stuff in preparation for the meeting. The meeting went really well and it was great being able to share in where everyone is at with faith since coming back from an intense week at Hillsong. Then I had worship vocals, small group and church. I left early, so that I could come home and sleep.
Well it was an epic weekend. There were a lot of things that challenged me at Surrender and many things that I am thinking about. I am having intentional time tomorrow, to think about Hillsong and Surrender, but particulalry looking at what my next step is. I have got all this great information and a passion burning inside of me, especially for youth ministry and I want to utilise it.
I am exhausted after this weekend, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It was great to be able to hang out with Ben, Bindy and Simon at the Conference and share in that growth with. At the same time, it was great to be able to have two great nights for Jono.
Alright not going to check over this, to see all my spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I am way too tired for that. I am off to have dinner and then get some needed sleeping. I have a big day of thought processing tomorrow and I am excited.
Friday 20 July 2007
Jono
Well I am going to follow suit and write a blog about Jono, as he wrote one about me. That is quite cool that my name is the title for a blog. I was, a few days before Jono's blog was published, thinking about writing a blog about our relationship thus far, however Jono beat me to the chase.
Alright this is the story of the build up and the relationship so far for Jono and I...
It was a lovely May weekend in Phillip Island where the connection for Jono and Lauren started. As you do in Primary School, Jono and Lauren competed and bagged one another, eventually winning the affection of each other. They continually had arguements about who was the best at Tobogganing, Water Slide racing and various other activities. One night at Phillip Island they were having an honesty circle where Jono admitted to having feelings for someone, however as that special someone was in the room, ie. Lauren, he couldn't inform anyone of this information. Since that night the forces of Meagan Wilson and many other people within the church continued to try and unscrabble the mysteries of Jono's affection for Lauren. With the shear talent and abilty of Jono's SDM acting, he never allowed them to find out this information, until the last few weeks before the relationship started.
Jono kept to a promise that he had made to one amazing Kyla Fullerton, by informing her of who he liked. Jono confided in this amazing girl and through her integrity as a person, Kyla kept this gigantic secret from all those that surrounded her.
Weeks went on and it become increasingly obvious to Lauren as to the feelings of Jono. Lauren and Jono were in contact everyday, having the awesome Blob game as an excuse. The affection for one another came to an almighty climax, when Lauren could do no other than confront Jono about the suspicions. About 3 weeks ago, Jono and Lauren sat up on the phone talking about one anothers feelings and a whole bunch of other stuff till 4:30am. It was an epic phone conversation, but it was resolved that for the moment they couldn't date and it was agreed that there could be no awkwardness between them. The reasoning behind them not dating, then and there, was the reservations from Lauren. There were some complicating issues which surrounded the situation, one of which was the fact that Lauren is a Youth Group Leader of Jono.
Well holidays were upon the two of them and as they were separated for a week, the force of their affections became way too much to handle. Lauren planned a meeting with the audacious Youth Minister, Simon Albury, as to clarify whether the realtionship could occur between Lauren and Jono. As Jono and Lauren were peers, before Lauren was in a leadership position, Simon gave it the two thumbs up, however he said that he had to seek some confirmation from a person higher up then him. This created an awkward moment, as that person was none other than Russell Croxford, the father of Jono. Both Russell and Simon said that it was ok, however having Russell know of the connection between Jono and Lauren, it created some awkward moments at home.
Well the following Tuesday, Lauren updated Jono on the situation and placed the decision on him as to whether they were to embark on a relationship with one another. It came to Wednesday night, at Jono's house for a sleepover with Ben Chong, Kelly Styles and Jayson Vella, where Lauren and Jono were having great difficulty sleeping, as they were thinking about one another. Lauren decided that it had to happen that night, otherwise neither of them would sleep, so they went and talked at 4:30am in the Croxford's garage. It was there decided after many analogies and laughs that Jono and Lauren were to date.
It has now been a week of Jono and I going out. We are both very happy and are continually in contact with one another, taking every opportunity to talk or hang out. It is very hard having Jono in Year 12 and me being in Uni, as I have to think about how long I am on the phone or hanging out with Jono. I wish it were holidays again, as I wouldn't have to think about it as much. Jono and I have now been on about three dates and are meeting up today for about an hour. We have our first Youth Group together tonight and it will be interesting to see how that goes.
So ends my amazing story of Jono and Lauren and their relationship, which we hope will conitnue for a lot longer.
Alright this is the story of the build up and the relationship so far for Jono and I...
It was a lovely May weekend in Phillip Island where the connection for Jono and Lauren started. As you do in Primary School, Jono and Lauren competed and bagged one another, eventually winning the affection of each other. They continually had arguements about who was the best at Tobogganing, Water Slide racing and various other activities. One night at Phillip Island they were having an honesty circle where Jono admitted to having feelings for someone, however as that special someone was in the room, ie. Lauren, he couldn't inform anyone of this information. Since that night the forces of Meagan Wilson and many other people within the church continued to try and unscrabble the mysteries of Jono's affection for Lauren. With the shear talent and abilty of Jono's SDM acting, he never allowed them to find out this information, until the last few weeks before the relationship started.
Jono kept to a promise that he had made to one amazing Kyla Fullerton, by informing her of who he liked. Jono confided in this amazing girl and through her integrity as a person, Kyla kept this gigantic secret from all those that surrounded her.
Weeks went on and it become increasingly obvious to Lauren as to the feelings of Jono. Lauren and Jono were in contact everyday, having the awesome Blob game as an excuse. The affection for one another came to an almighty climax, when Lauren could do no other than confront Jono about the suspicions. About 3 weeks ago, Jono and Lauren sat up on the phone talking about one anothers feelings and a whole bunch of other stuff till 4:30am. It was an epic phone conversation, but it was resolved that for the moment they couldn't date and it was agreed that there could be no awkwardness between them. The reasoning behind them not dating, then and there, was the reservations from Lauren. There were some complicating issues which surrounded the situation, one of which was the fact that Lauren is a Youth Group Leader of Jono.
Well holidays were upon the two of them and as they were separated for a week, the force of their affections became way too much to handle. Lauren planned a meeting with the audacious Youth Minister, Simon Albury, as to clarify whether the realtionship could occur between Lauren and Jono. As Jono and Lauren were peers, before Lauren was in a leadership position, Simon gave it the two thumbs up, however he said that he had to seek some confirmation from a person higher up then him. This created an awkward moment, as that person was none other than Russell Croxford, the father of Jono. Both Russell and Simon said that it was ok, however having Russell know of the connection between Jono and Lauren, it created some awkward moments at home.
Well the following Tuesday, Lauren updated Jono on the situation and placed the decision on him as to whether they were to embark on a relationship with one another. It came to Wednesday night, at Jono's house for a sleepover with Ben Chong, Kelly Styles and Jayson Vella, where Lauren and Jono were having great difficulty sleeping, as they were thinking about one another. Lauren decided that it had to happen that night, otherwise neither of them would sleep, so they went and talked at 4:30am in the Croxford's garage. It was there decided after many analogies and laughs that Jono and Lauren were to date.
It has now been a week of Jono and I going out. We are both very happy and are continually in contact with one another, taking every opportunity to talk or hang out. It is very hard having Jono in Year 12 and me being in Uni, as I have to think about how long I am on the phone or hanging out with Jono. I wish it were holidays again, as I wouldn't have to think about it as much. Jono and I have now been on about three dates and are meeting up today for about an hour. We have our first Youth Group together tonight and it will be interesting to see how that goes.
So ends my amazing story of Jono and Lauren and their relationship, which we hope will conitnue for a lot longer.
Saturday 30 June 2007
Face Up
So many issues and so many opportunities to face up to them, yet are these opportunities ever taken?
So often lately I have found that when issues arise there are frequent opportunities for them to be resolved or at least discussed and processed, sometimes even just voiced. However more often than not these issues are left as issues and are not discussed or given the time needed for them. Issues within relationships are so delicate and I understand that it is very hard for them to be faced and discussed with the other person involved, however for a truly healthy relationship, issues need to be heard and faced up to.
There are so many negative consequences that occur when issues aren't faced up to. Some consequences that occur include the fact that issues are sometimes transformed into gossip. As I have written before, gossip is bad and something that many people live off, which is so sad. In a church setting the issues that occur can be passed so quickly around the church and can be even more damaging to relationships, especially if they get to the person they are about.
Other consequences which occur include the fact that issues are sometimes passed onto other people. Many people hold the many issues, to which people have trusted them with. It is often too heavy to bare the load of issues that are occurring between friends and can in turn be damaging to the person who has been trusted with the issues. These people often get involved without wanting to and it is so bad to put that burden on someone else and even make them feel apart of the issue occurring.
The obvious consequence is that for you. You are not facing up to your issue, something that is affecting you and creating you to be upset. The only person that can fix the problem is you and until you face up to the issue it is not going to fade away or be fixed, it is a burden that you are going to carry, until the day it is resolved, which could be never. I don't want to hear crap about people compressing it because from experience, you are going to crack and have an explosion. Literally a break down where you cannot cope with anything anymore and something little sets it off.
Now onto the positives in facing up to issues and discussing them with the people or person involved. There are so many wonderful occurrences when you face up to issues and of late I have had the privilege to be able to reap the many benefits.
When you face up to the problems and issues, you are given an opportunity to speak and discuss the issues with the person or people involved. Chances are that that person or people have issues with you and therefore you can wrestle with them together and maybe come to a resolution that all parties are happy with. In facing up to these issues, that weight that you felt with this issue lurching over you, is shed off and seriously when you have voiced the issue, a whole heap of burden is relieved. It is one of the best feelings to have an issue out in the open, not in the form of gossip, which sometimes makes you angrier, but through intentional discussion.
Another positive of facing up to issues is the calming effect that it creates within group situations. Issues normally put people and groups on the edge and within a friendship group this is the last thing anyone wants. With this issue out in the open, it is beneficial for all, especially if you have asked for advice from other people, confiding in other people with your issue.
I could seriously go on forever on how good it is to face up to issues and get them out in the open, but I will bore you and continue to repeat my sentiment of the fact that facing up to issues is beneficial and should be happening for people.
Too often we slide right past confrontation of issues and make other people think that everything is smooth sailing. However for everyone to be truly happy, I believe that confrontation is the key for a happy and successful relationship with anyone. Many of the confrontations I have had of late with friends and parents have been so beneficial for the relationship. This confrontation has made the relationship stronger and the level of trust has increased. I am a true believer in confrontation and I am continuing in confronting a lot of my issues, because so far I have felt a lot lighter and more free because I have voiced my issues.
It has made me so angry of late when people instead of going to the heart of the issue, skirt around it and sometimes tell everyone else or put it on the already burdened shoulders of others, and in turn aren't confronting their issues and endeavouring to resolve it.
Until you get out there and confront some of your issues, discussing and wrestling with them, you will never feel the utter pleasure of having weight baring issues shed away from your life. Do not make me angry anymore discuss your issues, cause confrontation and take the opportunity to confide in someone to talk through the issues in your life.
So often lately I have found that when issues arise there are frequent opportunities for them to be resolved or at least discussed and processed, sometimes even just voiced. However more often than not these issues are left as issues and are not discussed or given the time needed for them. Issues within relationships are so delicate and I understand that it is very hard for them to be faced and discussed with the other person involved, however for a truly healthy relationship, issues need to be heard and faced up to.
There are so many negative consequences that occur when issues aren't faced up to. Some consequences that occur include the fact that issues are sometimes transformed into gossip. As I have written before, gossip is bad and something that many people live off, which is so sad. In a church setting the issues that occur can be passed so quickly around the church and can be even more damaging to relationships, especially if they get to the person they are about.
Other consequences which occur include the fact that issues are sometimes passed onto other people. Many people hold the many issues, to which people have trusted them with. It is often too heavy to bare the load of issues that are occurring between friends and can in turn be damaging to the person who has been trusted with the issues. These people often get involved without wanting to and it is so bad to put that burden on someone else and even make them feel apart of the issue occurring.
The obvious consequence is that for you. You are not facing up to your issue, something that is affecting you and creating you to be upset. The only person that can fix the problem is you and until you face up to the issue it is not going to fade away or be fixed, it is a burden that you are going to carry, until the day it is resolved, which could be never. I don't want to hear crap about people compressing it because from experience, you are going to crack and have an explosion. Literally a break down where you cannot cope with anything anymore and something little sets it off.
Now onto the positives in facing up to issues and discussing them with the people or person involved. There are so many wonderful occurrences when you face up to issues and of late I have had the privilege to be able to reap the many benefits.
When you face up to the problems and issues, you are given an opportunity to speak and discuss the issues with the person or people involved. Chances are that that person or people have issues with you and therefore you can wrestle with them together and maybe come to a resolution that all parties are happy with. In facing up to these issues, that weight that you felt with this issue lurching over you, is shed off and seriously when you have voiced the issue, a whole heap of burden is relieved. It is one of the best feelings to have an issue out in the open, not in the form of gossip, which sometimes makes you angrier, but through intentional discussion.
Another positive of facing up to issues is the calming effect that it creates within group situations. Issues normally put people and groups on the edge and within a friendship group this is the last thing anyone wants. With this issue out in the open, it is beneficial for all, especially if you have asked for advice from other people, confiding in other people with your issue.
I could seriously go on forever on how good it is to face up to issues and get them out in the open, but I will bore you and continue to repeat my sentiment of the fact that facing up to issues is beneficial and should be happening for people.
Too often we slide right past confrontation of issues and make other people think that everything is smooth sailing. However for everyone to be truly happy, I believe that confrontation is the key for a happy and successful relationship with anyone. Many of the confrontations I have had of late with friends and parents have been so beneficial for the relationship. This confrontation has made the relationship stronger and the level of trust has increased. I am a true believer in confrontation and I am continuing in confronting a lot of my issues, because so far I have felt a lot lighter and more free because I have voiced my issues.
It has made me so angry of late when people instead of going to the heart of the issue, skirt around it and sometimes tell everyone else or put it on the already burdened shoulders of others, and in turn aren't confronting their issues and endeavouring to resolve it.
Until you get out there and confront some of your issues, discussing and wrestling with them, you will never feel the utter pleasure of having weight baring issues shed away from your life. Do not make me angry anymore discuss your issues, cause confrontation and take the opportunity to confide in someone to talk through the issues in your life.
Monday 25 June 2007
Grandma’s House
I was talking to someone today, who was telling me that after some feelings of annoyance and frustration, he went and had sometime to himself. I then felt challenged to do the same. A few blogs back, I wrote about having reflection time and finding the place to do this in. I wanted my grandma’s house to use and to reflect in, but said that my parents didn’t want me to do this.
Well right now I am disobeying my parents, my not be good for the fifth commandment, of honouring my mother and father, but I definitely needed this. I am sitting in my grandma's house. I have just sat and read through a book called ‘The Heavenly Man’. It is about the persecution that China and especially Brother Yun went through with their faith. It is very uplifting and I have only a few chapters to go.
I lived in this house for two years in 1994 and 1995 with my Grandma. Her house is situated on the same property as my house. My parents bought the land behind her house and for the two years that we were living there built the house that I am now living in and have been living in for almost twelve years now. I was about six years old when living in this house, so when you are that young you are totally oblivious to the many trials and tribulations that are occurring in your family. I was in my own little world, not having any problems. Being able to sit in this house now I remember not having a care in the world, I had no stresses or issues. Coming to this house for me now, feels as if there are no worries in the world, it is so peaceful and quiet, away from the stress that lies in my house only thirty metres from here. There are days where I feel I need to retreat and this being so close is ideal, but having the parents not agreeing with me, it is not always able to come about.
As I sit here now and soak up the surroundings it is so bare. My grandma died in 2003, when I was in year 9 and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. Every morning, I open my curtains and look up at her house and reflect. She was a huge part of my life and someone so influential on the person I have become. It is really sad now to see this living room so bare and lifeless. I had planned on coming up here and sitting in her reading chair, but even that ahs gone, so I had to sit on one of the bad chairs, even though it is quite comfortable.
I am always drawn back to this place as it has such a huge influence on my life, being a place where I grew up and also, more importantly, the home of someone so special to me. It is a place that reminds me of happy, carefree days. It is definitely not the same with my grandma not present in it, but I have the many memories here.
My parents are planning on selling this house one day. I am very unhappy about that, as it will take away part of my childhood and also my heart. The next people to buy this house will most certainly knock it down as it is not worth keeping in the state that it is. The day I see this house fall down, will crush me. For now however I will enjoy every opportunity I get in this house, to absorb the family memories and the amazing lady, who lived here four years ago.
The feelings of peace within this house is making me forget and get away from the issues I know I face back down in my house and within the lives of my friends. For now I have a time away from that, this is something I am truly grateful for.
I will continue to question why my grandma died when she did and never forget the women that she was. She was amazing and someone who I loved very dearly. I can’t believe that it was just over four years ago when she lived in this house, where has the time gone.
Well right now I am disobeying my parents, my not be good for the fifth commandment, of honouring my mother and father, but I definitely needed this. I am sitting in my grandma's house. I have just sat and read through a book called ‘The Heavenly Man’. It is about the persecution that China and especially Brother Yun went through with their faith. It is very uplifting and I have only a few chapters to go.
I lived in this house for two years in 1994 and 1995 with my Grandma. Her house is situated on the same property as my house. My parents bought the land behind her house and for the two years that we were living there built the house that I am now living in and have been living in for almost twelve years now. I was about six years old when living in this house, so when you are that young you are totally oblivious to the many trials and tribulations that are occurring in your family. I was in my own little world, not having any problems. Being able to sit in this house now I remember not having a care in the world, I had no stresses or issues. Coming to this house for me now, feels as if there are no worries in the world, it is so peaceful and quiet, away from the stress that lies in my house only thirty metres from here. There are days where I feel I need to retreat and this being so close is ideal, but having the parents not agreeing with me, it is not always able to come about.
As I sit here now and soak up the surroundings it is so bare. My grandma died in 2003, when I was in year 9 and there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. Every morning, I open my curtains and look up at her house and reflect. She was a huge part of my life and someone so influential on the person I have become. It is really sad now to see this living room so bare and lifeless. I had planned on coming up here and sitting in her reading chair, but even that ahs gone, so I had to sit on one of the bad chairs, even though it is quite comfortable.
I am always drawn back to this place as it has such a huge influence on my life, being a place where I grew up and also, more importantly, the home of someone so special to me. It is a place that reminds me of happy, carefree days. It is definitely not the same with my grandma not present in it, but I have the many memories here.
My parents are planning on selling this house one day. I am very unhappy about that, as it will take away part of my childhood and also my heart. The next people to buy this house will most certainly knock it down as it is not worth keeping in the state that it is. The day I see this house fall down, will crush me. For now however I will enjoy every opportunity I get in this house, to absorb the family memories and the amazing lady, who lived here four years ago.
The feelings of peace within this house is making me forget and get away from the issues I know I face back down in my house and within the lives of my friends. For now I have a time away from that, this is something I am truly grateful for.
I will continue to question why my grandma died when she did and never forget the women that she was. She was amazing and someone who I loved very dearly. I can’t believe that it was just over four years ago when she lived in this house, where has the time gone.
Saturday 23 June 2007
Love Again
For about a year now I have had a favourite song, 'I Will Learn To Love Again' and it is from my favourite movie, 'The Perfect Man'. The movie is beautiful and makes me walk away feeling happy and as if I can face anything, anything that life throws at me.
During the movie, this song is played where three women, a mum and her two daughters dance around their living room. They are genuienly happy and for once in their life, something is going right and everyone in the family finally agrees on something.
I thought I would post the lyrics of the song. The words illustrate that after hurt in your life, especially in relationships that you can learn to love again. I have gone through hurt in one of my relationships and I know I can love again. However right now I am so happy to cruise along, living life to the maximum, appreciating everyone in my family, enjoying the friendships I hold with people and taking each day as they come.
I am definately still not hurting from that relationship and am well and truly over it, so the inspiration for this being my favourite song has not come from lingering feelings. I have been reflecting recently on my feelings about moving on and wanting so much to learn to love again. When I was going through that hard time, I didn't think I could love anyone ever again. However the strength I continue to gain everyday is helping me and reassuring me that I can infact love again.
I don't know what it is about 'The Perfect Man' that puts me into a great mood and having a positive outlook on life. Maybe all of you out there reading this should sit down and watch this movie, to see if it has the same impact on you.
Well here are the lyrics, enjoy reading...
"I Will Learn To Love Again"
KACI
Drowning in tears that wont be me
I will soon be free from the chains of all this pain inside
And though I cry it wont be long till I regain the strength to know
I can go on
I will find my way through the heart break I will not give up on love
I believe
[Chorus]
I will learn to love again I will learn to trust
Once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to
Learn to love again
All of these tears time will dry them I will survive them
And make it through into another day all of this pain
Time will heal it there’ll be a time sometime I know
I won't feel it
I will live through life without you after the hurting is done
I believe
[Chorus]
I will find someone who deserves my touch after all the hurt is through
I will be so over you I will not give up on love
I believe yeah
[Chorus]
Oh yeah yeah oh oh love again
During the movie, this song is played where three women, a mum and her two daughters dance around their living room. They are genuienly happy and for once in their life, something is going right and everyone in the family finally agrees on something.
I thought I would post the lyrics of the song. The words illustrate that after hurt in your life, especially in relationships that you can learn to love again. I have gone through hurt in one of my relationships and I know I can love again. However right now I am so happy to cruise along, living life to the maximum, appreciating everyone in my family, enjoying the friendships I hold with people and taking each day as they come.
I am definately still not hurting from that relationship and am well and truly over it, so the inspiration for this being my favourite song has not come from lingering feelings. I have been reflecting recently on my feelings about moving on and wanting so much to learn to love again. When I was going through that hard time, I didn't think I could love anyone ever again. However the strength I continue to gain everyday is helping me and reassuring me that I can infact love again.
I don't know what it is about 'The Perfect Man' that puts me into a great mood and having a positive outlook on life. Maybe all of you out there reading this should sit down and watch this movie, to see if it has the same impact on you.
Well here are the lyrics, enjoy reading...
"I Will Learn To Love Again"
KACI
Drowning in tears that wont be me
I will soon be free from the chains of all this pain inside
And though I cry it wont be long till I regain the strength to know
I can go on
I will find my way through the heart break I will not give up on love
I believe
[Chorus]
I will learn to love again I will learn to trust
Once this heart can start to mend
I will learn to
Learn to love again
All of these tears time will dry them I will survive them
And make it through into another day all of this pain
Time will heal it there’ll be a time sometime I know
I won't feel it
I will live through life without you after the hurting is done
I believe
[Chorus]
I will find someone who deserves my touch after all the hurt is through
I will be so over you I will not give up on love
I believe yeah
[Chorus]
Oh yeah yeah oh oh love again
Thursday 21 June 2007
America
On Saturday at lunchtime I was meant to be jumping on a flight to America. I was going to be flying half way across the globe to visit my cousins and aunite and uncle for a three week trip. Now more than ever, I really feel like leaving my life behind me in Melbourne and setting off to build a relationship with my cousins, who I haven't seen in four years.
I had got my cousins all excited, because I told them that I was definately going to be coming this time. I say this time because I wanted to pack up my life in year11 and fly over to see them. I had told them in year11 also that I was going to be coming, yet like this time, I have falied.
My cousins had planned road trips, it was going to be my auntie's birthday and I would have been in America for Independence Day, which they were also planning. They had set up a bed for me and were telling all their friends. Jessica the older of the two, is 17 years old and someone I love very dearly and I know she will be bitterly upset. She had planned to take me camping and on a road trip. Amy, who is 15 years old, continued to send me MySpace messages telling me how excited she was, questioning whether I had got my ticket, when was the actual date and wondered what I wanted to do while I was over here.
Last week, after putting it off for ages, I rang their house, to tell them the bad news. Luckily, my auntie answered the phone. As soon as she realised who it was, she said "Can you believe you will be here in 10days time, are you getting excited?" Well I just started crying, I couldn't contain it any longer, I said to her "I would be getting excited if I was actually coming." Well both of us went silent and I explained the whole situation to her. Mum and Dad won't give me a loan for going to America, which is fair enough, as it sends a bad message to the other three kids in the family, as they can easily start saying "well where is my loan?" Also Dad just doesn't want to hand it over without me working for it, which I completely understand.
Right now I just want to run, leave some issues behind and go spend some time with other family. My life isn't terrible, but I as I wrote about having some time to myself, I want for that time to be in America. I know there will be issues over there that I could possibly come in the middle of, however I will be with my cousins. These girls mean the world to me and I want to be able to spend time with them.
I had got my cousins all excited, because I told them that I was definately going to be coming this time. I say this time because I wanted to pack up my life in year11 and fly over to see them. I had told them in year11 also that I was going to be coming, yet like this time, I have falied.
My cousins had planned road trips, it was going to be my auntie's birthday and I would have been in America for Independence Day, which they were also planning. They had set up a bed for me and were telling all their friends. Jessica the older of the two, is 17 years old and someone I love very dearly and I know she will be bitterly upset. She had planned to take me camping and on a road trip. Amy, who is 15 years old, continued to send me MySpace messages telling me how excited she was, questioning whether I had got my ticket, when was the actual date and wondered what I wanted to do while I was over here.
Last week, after putting it off for ages, I rang their house, to tell them the bad news. Luckily, my auntie answered the phone. As soon as she realised who it was, she said "Can you believe you will be here in 10days time, are you getting excited?" Well I just started crying, I couldn't contain it any longer, I said to her "I would be getting excited if I was actually coming." Well both of us went silent and I explained the whole situation to her. Mum and Dad won't give me a loan for going to America, which is fair enough, as it sends a bad message to the other three kids in the family, as they can easily start saying "well where is my loan?" Also Dad just doesn't want to hand it over without me working for it, which I completely understand.
Right now I just want to run, leave some issues behind and go spend some time with other family. My life isn't terrible, but I as I wrote about having some time to myself, I want for that time to be in America. I know there will be issues over there that I could possibly come in the middle of, however I will be with my cousins. These girls mean the world to me and I want to be able to spend time with them.
Wednesday 20 June 2007
Carey Uniform
Only 5 minutes ago, I tried on my Carey School Uniform. I was a very proud student at Carey and I would always wear my uniform with pride. There is something about the uniform that makes me feel proud and dignified when wearing it.
I love the whole concept of a uniform and think that anyone that wears a school uniform should be wearing it properly, no shirts out, socks pulled up and whenever possible, be in the school blazer. When I was in my uniform and walking in public, my school was on show, everyone could see my uniform and most could identify with it. People judge you with how you present yourself and I made sure that when out in public I was showing people my school pride. This may all sound like crap, but I loved that school and wanted to show it.
I was trying my winter uniform on today because on Friday for Youth Group, we have a 'School Daze' night. Simon and Jayson are running it and each of the leaders are teachers in a special field. Anyway so as I was looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a sense of sadness. The last time I wore the winter uniform was at Speech Night in November 2006, which was a very special night not only for me, but for the whole school. Speech Night is also something I take very serious and to some peoples amazement, actually look forward to it.
When I was reflecting on the fact that I was back in my uniform, I was so overwhelmed with sadness, for the simple fact that I wasn't at Carey Baptist Grammar School anymore. I spent the large percentage of my life, infact all 13 years of schooling at Carey and I can't believe I never get to walk through the gates, looking proud in my school uniform ever again.
So many people were so happy and excited about the fact that they will never have to wear their school uniform ever again and after that night, they sell it, some saying that they never want to see the sight of their uniform. I get really upset about this, as I am someone that loves my uniform and my school. I have always loved that school and cannot believe I can never go back there again.
I would love to do my whole schooling again, instead of going to Uni. I would jump at the opportunity to be back there. I would rather do year 12 again, then have to go to Uni. There was something about that school that made me so alive and proud to be there.
I cannot believe I will never be back there again and actually have to grow up, move on with my life and leave Carey behind.
On Friday, like always, I will wear my uniform with pride and enforce that everyone in a uniform, should have shirts tucked in, ties done up, all buttons done up and preferably wearing a blazer. When you are wearing your uniform, your school is on show. People judge your school by the pride that you take in your uniform. Principal after Principal enforced this at our school, and not once did I doubt it. I want to show people how much I love my school, just in the simple act of wearing my uniform well.
I love the whole concept of a uniform and think that anyone that wears a school uniform should be wearing it properly, no shirts out, socks pulled up and whenever possible, be in the school blazer. When I was in my uniform and walking in public, my school was on show, everyone could see my uniform and most could identify with it. People judge you with how you present yourself and I made sure that when out in public I was showing people my school pride. This may all sound like crap, but I loved that school and wanted to show it.
I was trying my winter uniform on today because on Friday for Youth Group, we have a 'School Daze' night. Simon and Jayson are running it and each of the leaders are teachers in a special field. Anyway so as I was looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a sense of sadness. The last time I wore the winter uniform was at Speech Night in November 2006, which was a very special night not only for me, but for the whole school. Speech Night is also something I take very serious and to some peoples amazement, actually look forward to it.
When I was reflecting on the fact that I was back in my uniform, I was so overwhelmed with sadness, for the simple fact that I wasn't at Carey Baptist Grammar School anymore. I spent the large percentage of my life, infact all 13 years of schooling at Carey and I can't believe I never get to walk through the gates, looking proud in my school uniform ever again.
So many people were so happy and excited about the fact that they will never have to wear their school uniform ever again and after that night, they sell it, some saying that they never want to see the sight of their uniform. I get really upset about this, as I am someone that loves my uniform and my school. I have always loved that school and cannot believe I can never go back there again.
I would love to do my whole schooling again, instead of going to Uni. I would jump at the opportunity to be back there. I would rather do year 12 again, then have to go to Uni. There was something about that school that made me so alive and proud to be there.
I cannot believe I will never be back there again and actually have to grow up, move on with my life and leave Carey behind.
On Friday, like always, I will wear my uniform with pride and enforce that everyone in a uniform, should have shirts tucked in, ties done up, all buttons done up and preferably wearing a blazer. When you are wearing your uniform, your school is on show. People judge your school by the pride that you take in your uniform. Principal after Principal enforced this at our school, and not once did I doubt it. I want to show people how much I love my school, just in the simple act of wearing my uniform well.
Monday 18 June 2007
Chivalry
I had never heard of someone being chivalrous before becoming friends with one Chris Davies, now all I hear is people acting chivalrously and how someone could be more chivalrous or people having admiration for the level of chivalry.
I was out to dinner with a good friend tonight and they asked me a bizarre, random, yet interesting question...who do you think is the most chivalrous person in our church? This was then closely followed by, who do you think is the most genuine?
These are two incredibly difficult questions to answer and the fact is I am still so vague on the whole issue of acting chivalrously.
So what does Chivalry mean? I found a dictionary meaning which said "the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, courage, honour, courtesy, justice and readiness to help the weak." Yes this is a great definition, but not the one I was most after nor the one I am trying to explain. The next definition was "a man's courteous behaviour, especially towards women." This is the definition that I knew of and was explained to me, by Christopher Davies.
I haven't made up my mind whether I like the act of chivalry, as it is for women and it is showing a courteous nature towards women, for example, opening a door, standing when women enter the room, offering to pay etc. I don't know if I like this sentiment as I am someone that never wants to see women as weak people, I am not a feminist, yet someone that wants to get in and play hard and get rough with guys. I don't ever want to feel weak or not as dominant as men.
Honestly I think chivalry can just be classsified as having manners and not being chivalrous. Therefore if it was just classified as manners, men wouldn't have to make women look weak, everyone could have manners and then I wouldn't have to post about this subject.
In saying all this, there are things that really upset me about people and manners. For example; I cannot stand if people do not offer for things, however I understand that sometimes it is awkward, yet it is still polite. Along with manners, I cannot stand when people burp out loud (cough, cough, Elissa and Allysha). I cannot stand rudeness, I am going to make a fine Finishing School teacher one day. Simple please and thank you's and offering to help clean up, pack up or cook.
What really upsets me is when people say they are trying to act chivalrously, yet still fail to have common manners, it is defeating the purpose of it.
So chivalry, I think is bad and makes women look weak and that they cannot hold there own. However acting and being conscience of your manners, is something I value in people.
I was out to dinner with a good friend tonight and they asked me a bizarre, random, yet interesting question...who do you think is the most chivalrous person in our church? This was then closely followed by, who do you think is the most genuine?
These are two incredibly difficult questions to answer and the fact is I am still so vague on the whole issue of acting chivalrously.
So what does Chivalry mean? I found a dictionary meaning which said "the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, courage, honour, courtesy, justice and readiness to help the weak." Yes this is a great definition, but not the one I was most after nor the one I am trying to explain. The next definition was "a man's courteous behaviour, especially towards women." This is the definition that I knew of and was explained to me, by Christopher Davies.
I haven't made up my mind whether I like the act of chivalry, as it is for women and it is showing a courteous nature towards women, for example, opening a door, standing when women enter the room, offering to pay etc. I don't know if I like this sentiment as I am someone that never wants to see women as weak people, I am not a feminist, yet someone that wants to get in and play hard and get rough with guys. I don't ever want to feel weak or not as dominant as men.
Honestly I think chivalry can just be classsified as having manners and not being chivalrous. Therefore if it was just classified as manners, men wouldn't have to make women look weak, everyone could have manners and then I wouldn't have to post about this subject.
In saying all this, there are things that really upset me about people and manners. For example; I cannot stand if people do not offer for things, however I understand that sometimes it is awkward, yet it is still polite. Along with manners, I cannot stand when people burp out loud (cough, cough, Elissa and Allysha). I cannot stand rudeness, I am going to make a fine Finishing School teacher one day. Simple please and thank you's and offering to help clean up, pack up or cook.
What really upsets me is when people say they are trying to act chivalrously, yet still fail to have common manners, it is defeating the purpose of it.
So chivalry, I think is bad and makes women look weak and that they cannot hold there own. However acting and being conscience of your manners, is something I value in people.
Reflection Time
You know what a lot of blogs now have been about how I am feeling, which is weird for me, especially posting it on the big World Wide Web.
With all the full on stuff and issues occuring lately I have felt as if I have needed personal reflection time, a time to myself, time to get away and think about stuff. I'd use this time to journal and pray. I was talking to Brother Benjamin about this on MSN one famous night this week and decided that it was just what the doctor ordered.
I have never been one for personl reflection as I have never felt as if there has been a space where I could do it. This topic often came up when I spoke to my Mentor, Bindy Albury, where we would wrestle with finding me a place to go and just think, meditate and pray. I needed and still need a space where I can go on a regular basis to all of this and much more. I pretty much need a 'Lauren Space'. I recommend that everyone invests in their own space, I know it would be good when I finally find it.
I have been on this adventure, where I have searched high and low for that space, for about 4 years. Isn't that ridiculous that I still cannot find a place. I decided that it couldn't be my room, on a count of the intense study that occured during year12 and therefore it has a bad vibe to it. For awhile I liked the idea of going to my grandma's house. My grandma died 4 years ago, hence why I have been on the search for 4 years. Her house is on the same property as ours. She was a very influential part of my life and therefore I thought it would be appropriate for my space to be there. However through much begging and tantrums, my parents didn't share the same opinions. Really there wasn't any tantrums or begging because it is a very delicate subject.
Anyway I am still on the hunt to find my space and would love any suggestions. I was thinking about making a cubby, but with the cold weather lately, a cubby outside wouldn't be ideal.
With all the full on stuff and issues occuring lately I have felt as if I have needed personal reflection time, a time to myself, time to get away and think about stuff. I'd use this time to journal and pray. I was talking to Brother Benjamin about this on MSN one famous night this week and decided that it was just what the doctor ordered.
I have never been one for personl reflection as I have never felt as if there has been a space where I could do it. This topic often came up when I spoke to my Mentor, Bindy Albury, where we would wrestle with finding me a place to go and just think, meditate and pray. I needed and still need a space where I can go on a regular basis to all of this and much more. I pretty much need a 'Lauren Space'. I recommend that everyone invests in their own space, I know it would be good when I finally find it.
I have been on this adventure, where I have searched high and low for that space, for about 4 years. Isn't that ridiculous that I still cannot find a place. I decided that it couldn't be my room, on a count of the intense study that occured during year12 and therefore it has a bad vibe to it. For awhile I liked the idea of going to my grandma's house. My grandma died 4 years ago, hence why I have been on the search for 4 years. Her house is on the same property as ours. She was a very influential part of my life and therefore I thought it would be appropriate for my space to be there. However through much begging and tantrums, my parents didn't share the same opinions. Really there wasn't any tantrums or begging because it is a very delicate subject.
Anyway I am still on the hunt to find my space and would love any suggestions. I was thinking about making a cubby, but with the cold weather lately, a cubby outside wouldn't be ideal.
Gossip
I find myself up late once again on MSN with one Benjamin Chong. In thinking about the up late conversations, I was thinking about relationships in general and all the interesting twists and turns that they provide in our everyday lives. They also create much tension, frustration and plenty of gossip, which is bad.
The whole notion behind gossiping is bad. There are always going to be issues within groups, friendships and relationships, it is very hard to avoid it. However in my vast experience of friendships, relationships and group situations, gossiping makes everything worse. The rumours, the suspected interest of two people and feelings towards one another, everything, especially in the church environment, spreads like rapid fire. Every person that I have liked within the church, stupidly I have told people. This information continues to get past around the church, in peoples ears, for them to then pass onto the next person. I wish I could say I have learnt from that mistake, but I haven't, still to this day, I continue to discuss with people who I like. I have faith and trust in the people I have told things to that they will not pass it on. However putting such precious and potential awkward situations, in other peoples hands is frightening.
Continuing with gossip, what constitutes as gossip? How do we know if we are gossiping? I talk to people all the time about issues at the moment within our group at church, yet is that me gossiping or sorting through and discussing issues? I hate gossip, but what I would hate even more is if I was gossiping without even knowing it. So how are we ever going to avoid gossiping? When are people going to stop doing it? Probably never, because the sad fact is that people actually enjoy it and even live for it.
When hearing about other peoples issues, I often create them as my own problem, I internalize them and make them my own, thinking I can fix them and creating world peace, sometimes is just as likely. However in receiving a lot of these issues from people, it would be so easy to take all this information, where people have actually confided in me and gossip about them. Back in the day, I would have jumped at the oppotunity, yet now, I definately see the bad side effects that can occur. I know the problems that gossip creates and the tension it causes. However now, even today I was talking about some of the issues that people are having within my friendships, can I be called a gossiper?
You know what would solve all the problems...if people kept all their inner feelings, issues and problems to themselves, now is that healthy? Not for one second am I going to believe that actually keeping your feelings inside is a good thing. If you like someone, go tell them, if you have an issue with someone, it should be addressed or if you are having issues at home, you need to talk about them. Yet when talking about stuff, gossip starts to occur. Is there anyway out of the gossip trap? Personally I don't think so and you know what is the worst part about it, the fact that girls are the main culprits. It is widely known that girls do it all the time. We have sleepovers to chat about the newest person on our hot list or talk about all the issues in peoples lives. We compare stories, try and top one another with what we know and contiue to feed the level of knowledge, becoming more intrigued.
Gossiping is so wrong and I wish we could be people who listen to problems and issues, non-judgementally, confirm the person that they can confide in us and continually keep all the issues and problems of others within us.
Alright so what have we learnt:
Don't keep feelings inside, come out and say them
Talk through your issues
Be careful who you confide in
Be a person who is willing to listen, yet not spread and continually talk about others issues
Girls shouldn't have sleepovers
Main point: Gossip = Bad
I honestly didn't think this Blog would go like this. I was stuck for ideas and through many different starts of this blog, I created the materpiece of 'Gossip'.
Don't know if it is worth reading, but if you have got this far with reading it, I am sure you want your minutes of life back, which I cannot provide.
Enjoy xox
The whole notion behind gossiping is bad. There are always going to be issues within groups, friendships and relationships, it is very hard to avoid it. However in my vast experience of friendships, relationships and group situations, gossiping makes everything worse. The rumours, the suspected interest of two people and feelings towards one another, everything, especially in the church environment, spreads like rapid fire. Every person that I have liked within the church, stupidly I have told people. This information continues to get past around the church, in peoples ears, for them to then pass onto the next person. I wish I could say I have learnt from that mistake, but I haven't, still to this day, I continue to discuss with people who I like. I have faith and trust in the people I have told things to that they will not pass it on. However putting such precious and potential awkward situations, in other peoples hands is frightening.
Continuing with gossip, what constitutes as gossip? How do we know if we are gossiping? I talk to people all the time about issues at the moment within our group at church, yet is that me gossiping or sorting through and discussing issues? I hate gossip, but what I would hate even more is if I was gossiping without even knowing it. So how are we ever going to avoid gossiping? When are people going to stop doing it? Probably never, because the sad fact is that people actually enjoy it and even live for it.
When hearing about other peoples issues, I often create them as my own problem, I internalize them and make them my own, thinking I can fix them and creating world peace, sometimes is just as likely. However in receiving a lot of these issues from people, it would be so easy to take all this information, where people have actually confided in me and gossip about them. Back in the day, I would have jumped at the oppotunity, yet now, I definately see the bad side effects that can occur. I know the problems that gossip creates and the tension it causes. However now, even today I was talking about some of the issues that people are having within my friendships, can I be called a gossiper?
You know what would solve all the problems...if people kept all their inner feelings, issues and problems to themselves, now is that healthy? Not for one second am I going to believe that actually keeping your feelings inside is a good thing. If you like someone, go tell them, if you have an issue with someone, it should be addressed or if you are having issues at home, you need to talk about them. Yet when talking about stuff, gossip starts to occur. Is there anyway out of the gossip trap? Personally I don't think so and you know what is the worst part about it, the fact that girls are the main culprits. It is widely known that girls do it all the time. We have sleepovers to chat about the newest person on our hot list or talk about all the issues in peoples lives. We compare stories, try and top one another with what we know and contiue to feed the level of knowledge, becoming more intrigued.
Gossiping is so wrong and I wish we could be people who listen to problems and issues, non-judgementally, confirm the person that they can confide in us and continually keep all the issues and problems of others within us.
Alright so what have we learnt:
Don't keep feelings inside, come out and say them
Talk through your issues
Be careful who you confide in
Be a person who is willing to listen, yet not spread and continually talk about others issues
Girls shouldn't have sleepovers
Main point: Gossip = Bad
I honestly didn't think this Blog would go like this. I was stuck for ideas and through many different starts of this blog, I created the materpiece of 'Gossip'.
Don't know if it is worth reading, but if you have got this far with reading it, I am sure you want your minutes of life back, which I cannot provide.
Enjoy xox
Thursday 14 June 2007
First Blog
Well a massive thanks firstly has to go to Jono, who continues to give me distractions, fun and hilarity with the internet, without him I would be studying right now or asleep or bored.
I have never been a fan of Blog sites or publishing Blogs. I never feel comfortable in posting all my inner feelins onto the internet for people to read. I admire people like Ben Chong and Jono Croxford who continue to post comments about different situations and feelings that are occuring in their lives. Some how I don't think I will ever live up to the masters of Blogging, no matter how hard I try, as they are so far ahead in excellence.
I think I will start my blogging career with some personal issues at the moment. My parents are away, they are in Europe. Dad comes back on Monday, however mum is away for another couple of weeks. Basically I am in charge of my house and my two older brothers. Everything has gone wrong with my parents going away and it happens every time.
The first weekend my parents were away Cameron decided that he would have friends over. Well one of the light poles outside were knocked down and are now lying in our garden. That was the first thing I saw as I drove in from State Youth Games. Well the problems continued from there. All the electrical switches in the kitchen and random lights around the house have blown, therefore we had to have take-away for dinner when I got home on Monday night.
Then today after a grueling exam for Uni, I went to check on Ally's bird, Tiki and it was lying dead in the cage. I hadn't checked on the bird for about a week, it had no food, yucky water and the cage was a mess. I was so upset and I had to go tell Ally, who is staying at a friends house while my parents are away.
Seriously this house is in a total mess as soon as mum leaves. Also I love that because I am in charge I have to clean it up and take control otherwise this house would fall apart.
It is full on at the moment, especially with friendships. I was discussing with someone that within our friendship group at church we could seriously create a TV show or a book. Chris has left for America and that is kind of hard to deal with because he is like a mentor, but now he is too far away to have our usual good discussions. However in saying all this, there are so many people still in Australia that I know I can rely on. Just tonight I got calls from four very close people to me and it was great to hear little segments of their lives and discuss stuff about my life. Simon said about a month back that I am so intentional with my relationships and it is true. I struggle just going one day without being in communication with people, which is why I have such a huge phone bill.
Well I have to say that my first blog didn't go so badly. I hope they can become progressively better as time goes on.
I have never been a fan of Blog sites or publishing Blogs. I never feel comfortable in posting all my inner feelins onto the internet for people to read. I admire people like Ben Chong and Jono Croxford who continue to post comments about different situations and feelings that are occuring in their lives. Some how I don't think I will ever live up to the masters of Blogging, no matter how hard I try, as they are so far ahead in excellence.
I think I will start my blogging career with some personal issues at the moment. My parents are away, they are in Europe. Dad comes back on Monday, however mum is away for another couple of weeks. Basically I am in charge of my house and my two older brothers. Everything has gone wrong with my parents going away and it happens every time.
The first weekend my parents were away Cameron decided that he would have friends over. Well one of the light poles outside were knocked down and are now lying in our garden. That was the first thing I saw as I drove in from State Youth Games. Well the problems continued from there. All the electrical switches in the kitchen and random lights around the house have blown, therefore we had to have take-away for dinner when I got home on Monday night.
Then today after a grueling exam for Uni, I went to check on Ally's bird, Tiki and it was lying dead in the cage. I hadn't checked on the bird for about a week, it had no food, yucky water and the cage was a mess. I was so upset and I had to go tell Ally, who is staying at a friends house while my parents are away.
Seriously this house is in a total mess as soon as mum leaves. Also I love that because I am in charge I have to clean it up and take control otherwise this house would fall apart.
It is full on at the moment, especially with friendships. I was discussing with someone that within our friendship group at church we could seriously create a TV show or a book. Chris has left for America and that is kind of hard to deal with because he is like a mentor, but now he is too far away to have our usual good discussions. However in saying all this, there are so many people still in Australia that I know I can rely on. Just tonight I got calls from four very close people to me and it was great to hear little segments of their lives and discuss stuff about my life. Simon said about a month back that I am so intentional with my relationships and it is true. I struggle just going one day without being in communication with people, which is why I have such a huge phone bill.
Well I have to say that my first blog didn't go so badly. I hope they can become progressively better as time goes on.
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