Thursday, 20 September 2007


How is it that passion can come from something so small and simple, like a conversation with a friend and yet also come from something so huge as a conference? How is it that passion can die out so quickly when put back in a normal setting? Why is it when you are passionate about something, it is so hard to sometimes act on that? Why am I so trapped in a moment where I am so driven by my life, my faith and church, that I find it so hard to act upon things? I find it so easy to sit and talk to friends who share similar passions and desires, yet I cannot bring myself to act upon what I am so passionate about? Why do I shy away from moments that I can put my passions into things or say what is burning in my heart? Why is it that sometimes opportunities are not always given for others to share passions and desires?

I have so many questions going around my head at the moment, where I have just come home from my Hillsong Small Group and a conversation with the lovely Meagan Wilson. I have so many things that are not my heart atthe moment, so mnay things I am excited about, so many desires, so many concerns, so many challenges and it is so hard to start listing them and talking about them or even begin to answer some of the questions above.
It is way past my bed time, especially on a Uni night, yet coming home from the Wilson's house after a challenging and passionate small group and an awesome conversation with Meagan, I felt I needed to share my thoughts. There are so many things I see a need for change, so many desires, which are on my heart and so many challenges that I was faced with tonight. I honestly don't know where to start. I believe it is all about conversations, and I guess I have started with my conversations with the people in my Hillsong Small Group and with Meagan, after it. However there is so much more and so many steps that I believe need to be put in place for things to happen, for desires and visions, to become reality, for passions to be followed through with and for my challenges to be wrestled with.

When I came back from Hillsong, I was so driven for my faith, for Youth Ministry and for passions in my life. I was so excited about life. However it didn't take long for the fire within me to start to diminish, where I was getting into the swing of my life again and other things came up. Once again, after Vetamorphus Retreats there were so many things I was excited by and encouraged by, however that fire diminished also. Furthermore, I have had conversations or mentor session where I come away so excited, passionate and driven, yet always fall short of acting upon those things that are within my heart. So many events and circumstances, however big or small, create a spark within people, however so quickly and without recognition, the fire dies down within us. Everything I come away from, every event, conversation or circumstance sparks something within me, but it is only a temporary thing. This upsets me greatly and I do not want this to happen this time. I am adament that I want this conversation with Meagan to continue, for my passion for church, youth ministry and faith to continue and for excitement in all my relationships and in my life in general to continue. I do not want any of it to die down. I am so passionate at the moment and so excited about what the future holds for my life and the life of our church at Doncaster. I can see great things happening within that church, as we do not only have a fantastic leadership team at the moment, but we have an awesome group of young adults coming through at the moment. We have so many capable people in our church and I want each and everyone of us to be used, to be apart of God's plan for our church, to achieve the call that God has for our lives. I want action to start happening in my faith, in the church and within every aspect of my life. I am excited about what the future holds.

Why wait for action, create it!

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Christian Material

Today I went to look in 'Word' and 'Koorong', which are Christian shops, for a study book for my Girls Small Group and also have a look for some more books to read, as I am so keen on reading Christian Books at the moment. I went with my school friend, Alison, who is a Christian and goes to Ringwood Church of Christ. It was great being able to go and walk around looking at the diffierent topics that are available to read, especially sharing it with a friend.

In some sense it is so excessive and there are so many books with so many different topics and different authors of similar topics. I really want another book to read, but I don't know what topic to choose, or which author would have the best insight, or what it is I want to gain from reading the books. I am looking at Youth Ministery books, as I feel this is an area in my life that God is calling me towards and I want to be able to stretch my knowledge, faith and compassion in this area. I am going to go back again in the next week to get a study book for mine and Chelsea's Girls Small Group, however I don't know where to start for that either, as there are so many topics that would benefit the girls and are so relevent.

I have just finished reading a book called 'The Heavenly Man', which is about a Chinese man who was introduced to Christianity at the age of 16 and throughout the rest of his life he went through a lot of persecution for his faith. He was in and out of gaol and beaten regularly. He and his family for continually on the run and went away from a normal life, just so they could spread the word of the Lord. They stood up for what they believe in, no matter what persecution they met. I was, as I was reading, and still am in total awe of the way in which he is so passionate about his faith and God, not allowing any presecution to make him question his faith. He put so much trust and love in God to get him through everyday.

There is so much Christian Material out there and I don't know where to start with it. I find that it is excessive, but can be so beneficial to peoples faith and being able to stretch yourself. In being able to read others experiences makes me question my faith, which allows me to continually think about my faith, where I am not falling into the trap of being a Sunday Christian, so just worshipping on a Sunday.
I have no idea which book I am going to get next or what book I will get for my Girls. I just hope in some way they will benefit from it and can grow in their faith through it.

Tuesday, 28 August 2007


I am really struggling at the moment with finding the balance in how often I can see Jono. Both my parents and Jono's parents are becoming increasingly annoying about the work load for Jono, and it is continually frustrating me and him. This week particularly has been hard, I have had to call off two possible days of seeing him because of my mum not allowing it and it is so frustrating, especially as I have the means to travel there by driving. The temptation is a lot stronger in having a car, as I can be to Jono in 15 minutes, yet I know I would be shot if I left.
I was glad today that I allowed Jono the time to study and get through a lot of his work. I was really proud of him for doing solid hours of work today and also proud of myself for holding back the temptation of driving to see him. I then was invited to dinner tomorrow night, however in telling this to mum, she said I couldn't even though it is just for dinner, nothing else. It isn't to hang out, all I would be doing is going for dinner and leaving straight after, yet I am not even allowed to do that. I also cannot just go and deceive mum, I need to get her permission, but she is persisting with what she has said and I am getting increasingly annoyed about it.

I have been through year 12, I know you have to do a lot of work and it is starting to get to the serious end of the year, but honestly, not allowing me to just go over for dinner is so over protective. I care a lot about Jono and I am not going to distract him from his work, to the point where I am over at his house everyday for an excessive amount of hours. It is so hard to be supportive and say all the write things, like, "it'll be over soon and then we'll have all the time in the world", it is true, but it is so hard. I have been through year 12 with a boyfriend and I know it is difficult, but I am finding it so hard to stick with it and persist with holding back in spending time with Jono. Ah, I am so frustrated and annoyed at the moment and I don't know what to do. I want to throw something or yell at mum, but I know neither of them will work, neither of them will help in getting time with Jono.
I know this is going to get harder as the time goes on, as the work load will only increase, but it is already so hard. So where do I go from here, beg mum to allow me to go for dinner, deceive mum, be patient, throw something, take all my anger out on everyone else in the family (already done this), blog about my frustration (doing it), sit on the phone for hours with Jono. I have no idea what I want to do, all I know is that I want to see Jono without parents breathing down our necks, telling us what to do.
Ah frustration.