Wednesday 8 August 2007

Nightmares

I am so shaken up right now, which may come from lack of sleep, infact 3 hours sleep. I am finding it really hard to type and discern what it is that has made me react the way I did. Last night I had a very sleepless night. I went to bed at 11.30pm and couldn't sleep until about 2.30am, but woke up 10 minutes later being woken from a bad dream, so I lay there analysing and really not liking the dream I had, where parts of it could have quite easily seemed true and could still come true. I went to sleep again at 3.30am, yet woke up 5 minutes later only to have had another bad dream. Once again I lay there analysing the dream, thinking it was real when I woke with a shock. By this stage I was sweating, but was going between hot and cold. I went back to sleep at 4.45am, yet woke up again 15 minutes later after the most horrible dream of my life. This dream I thought was real, I woke up really shocked, thinking that someone was touching me. I kept looking around my room, not knowing what to expect. I still thought that this dream was real and reached for my phone to tell the person it involved, yet as I continued to analyse the dream and where I was and who it was about I realised that it wasn't real. However I am so shaken up about this dream particularly as it could still come true. It is something that I have been questioning for awhile, yet I had got to the stage where I had forgotten about it and was so happy with life that I never wanted to turn back. Anwyay, by that stage I got up out of my bed and went to the toilet. It is now just after 5am and I continued to lay in bed. I reached to God in prayer, I didn't know what else to do, who else to turn to as no one is ever awake at this time. As I started to pray everything outside seemed to awake as well, my windows were shaking and the wind was picking up outside. I was so scared, but it is particularly heightened being night time. Well I couldn't sleep. I was awake then until 6.15am, hoping that in 15 minutes I could call or message someone, but I fell back asleep. I woke up again with another shock, with the falling feeling you sometimes get. I then was able to message someone, looking for comfort and support. I lay awake, got a reply from someone and then fell back asleep, only to wake up again to the sound of my alarm.
Last night was a horrible night, where I truly believe that there was so much evil in my room and so many things outside trying to upset me, especially when I was reaching for God. I am very much a sceptic of Spiritual Warfare, yet last night made me think differently about it. Spiritual Warfare has been explained to me many times and so have anxiety dreams, both of which I was questioning last night. Everything I dreamt felt so real and has made me feel very unbalanced this morning, even when I was walking to Uni, I felt so scared and I started crying, even though it is such a lovely day outside. Last night I was telling myself prior to going to bed that I had to rise above all the judgements that come from being in a new relationship and all the critisism that I face on a day to day basis about different things. I must continue to rise above the awful dreams I had last night and not let them effect me either.

3 comments:

Jono said...

I don't know what to say to all this. It sounds like a really terrible night, and I hope you can rise above all the crap and all that.
I hope that whatever it is that was disturbing you during the night all becomes better, and that you can recover form this. Know that I am always here if ever you need help or support or anythig like that, when times like this happen.
But really, I don;t knwo what to say, here. Sorry for unprolific comment. I will contact you some other way soon. If you read this before then.

B.C. said...

It all sounds very scary indeed. I am also sceptical. I wonder if I'll ever experience that same thing?

I once was convinced a vampire was in the corner of my room.

Hope you're ok. You know I'm always here for you.

Lauren Pinches said...

I am going to write an aftermath thing to these dreams. I had all day to think about it and realise that I am ok with it all. I was strong in faith even when things were attacking me. I am eeling so encouraged by all of this now.