Tuesday 31 July 2007

Balance

I don't know whether I should be putting this out while I am so fired up about things, however it may come across clearer if I do it now, when I am feeling the way I feel.

Balance has always been an issue for me. I always have to question where my priorities lie, who I am spending too much time with, whether I am allowing time for my own reflection and thought, whether I am spreading myself to thinly, whether I have too much happening for me to handle and a lot more. I often question these things so that it never comes back to bite me. However no matter what I do, no matter how much I think about the balance in my life, family and friends are always commenting on it. It seems I can never get it quite right and this annoys me so much, so much that I want to be able to throw a chair or something else in this room to let out some frustration. I am trying so hard these days to allow myself time, yet also allow time for my boyfriend, for school friends, church friends, for family, for church commitments, uni work and my job. Whether it is my boss, my parents, my friends, my sister, they are never happy with my balance. It is so unfair and I am becoming increasingly annoyed about it.

Sometimes I put myself out there and offer my time and myself, yet it is knocked back and the more it happens, the more it hurts. Yet then sometimes people turn around, even after I put myself out there and complain that I am not spending time with them. Gosh sometimes balancing everything is hard and surely people understand that.

I had a day today for myself, where I thought about Hillsong and Surrender and where I am going in life. Today was really needed and I am so glad I had it. However tonight after some complaints from various people including the huge ones from parents, I find myself again wanting time to myself, as there is more I need to sort through, playdates to organise, things to focus on, goals to be set and prioritise to be made. Apparently I am doing a crappy job of them at the moment and it is pulling me apart. I come back from a great, mega weekend and I am met with more obstacles. I know I am not the only one in this position, which is even harder as many people are facing battles and I want to be there for them, yet at the same time, I need to sit with my own thoughts and be selfish. I personally don't think it is wrong to be selfish, not all the time, but have time away from people before confronting things or taking steps or making decisions. I think it is really important to have your selfish moments.

Well after writing this blog, I don't know where I am left. I still have many questions, many things to face and people to talk to. I am not going to sleep for awhile, as I know I will stay awake thinking about all this crap. I wish I could just skip through the world, not having a care, with no conflict. That will never happen. All anyone has to do, is know that God is there by your side, helping you every step of the way, guiding you on your life journey with all the struggles along the way. I know it is hard to stay close to God when things are hectic, but I also know I have to do it. I have to trust in God that there is a brighter side, whenever that comes.
Things aren't terrible at the moment, they are actually pretty good, I am just getting annoyed at my constant judgement on balance, I don't find it fair at all. Everyone is trying there hardest and I get so angry when people are judged, yes I do it, but I am increasingly trying to stop because at the end of the day we are human and are doing our best.

Sunday 29 July 2007

Surrender Conference and everything else inbetween

This weekend has been full on and so I will now attempt to sum it up in a short blog.
Ben and I went on Thursday night to Bindy and Simon's house to stay the night. We had an early start in the morning to get out to Belgrave Heights for the Surrender Conference. We had quite a few speakers, which I am still in the process of breaking down and sorting through, so I will not talk about any specific thing. I was at the Conference from 8:30am till 3:30pm. My mumm came and picked Ben and I up, leaving Bindy and Simon there. Mum took me home so that I could get ready for Jono's Melbourne High Formal. I got ready in in 10 minutes, I was so proud (however that doesn't include the shower I had). Anyway, as soon as I was ready mum drove me to Ringwood, where I meant my spunky looking boyfriend all dressed up in a lovely suit and an amazing tie. We ahd photos and then Karen, Jono's mum and Debbie, a family friend, took Jono and I to the before party. We hang out there for awhile and then jumped into an awesome Limo. Well we went to the Formal, which was a lot of fun and in soem respcets better than my Formal, as I didn't have any obligations to go talk to people, it was a lot more relaxing. At 12pm, I was able to give Jono is birthday kiss when he turned 18, which was really nice. We then went to Crown Casino, where Jono become addicted to gambling. From there, I got dropped back at Simon and Bindy's at 2am. I had a massive 5 hours sleep, getting woken at 7am the next morning for another packed day at the Surrender Conference. I went to some workshops, particularly looking at youth ministry things. The four of us, Bindy, Simon, Ben and I left at 5:30pm, not staying for the night session as we had Jono's 18th Birthday Party to go to. I got ready once again in 10mins and travelled over to Jono's so that I could give him his present and then people started arriving. Meanwhile Bindy, Simon and Ben were sleeping, where I missed out on some much needed napping. It didn't matter though. I had fun at Jono's party, it was a great evening. Ben and I left Jono's house at 2:30am and therefore got about 4 hours sleep, being woken my Bindy and Simon at 7am for another day at Conference. I only stayed till 10:30am, as I had to get back for a Hillsong meeting. I got home and was hurrying to get ready and didn't get enough time to sit and think abotu Surrender or Hillsong stuff in preparation for the meeting. The meeting went really well and it was great being able to share in where everyone is at with faith since coming back from an intense week at Hillsong. Then I had worship vocals, small group and church. I left early, so that I could come home and sleep.

Well it was an epic weekend. There were a lot of things that challenged me at Surrender and many things that I am thinking about. I am having intentional time tomorrow, to think about Hillsong and Surrender, but particulalry looking at what my next step is. I have got all this great information and a passion burning inside of me, especially for youth ministry and I want to utilise it.
I am exhausted after this weekend, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It was great to be able to hang out with Ben, Bindy and Simon at the Conference and share in that growth with. At the same time, it was great to be able to have two great nights for Jono.

Alright not going to check over this, to see all my spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I am way too tired for that. I am off to have dinner and then get some needed sleeping. I have a big day of thought processing tomorrow and I am excited.

Friday 20 July 2007

Jono

Well I am going to follow suit and write a blog about Jono, as he wrote one about me. That is quite cool that my name is the title for a blog. I was, a few days before Jono's blog was published, thinking about writing a blog about our relationship thus far, however Jono beat me to the chase.

Alright this is the story of the build up and the relationship so far for Jono and I...

It was a lovely May weekend in Phillip Island where the connection for Jono and Lauren started. As you do in Primary School, Jono and Lauren competed and bagged one another, eventually winning the affection of each other. They continually had arguements about who was the best at Tobogganing, Water Slide racing and various other activities. One night at Phillip Island they were having an honesty circle where Jono admitted to having feelings for someone, however as that special someone was in the room, ie. Lauren, he couldn't inform anyone of this information. Since that night the forces of Meagan Wilson and many other people within the church continued to try and unscrabble the mysteries of Jono's affection for Lauren. With the shear talent and abilty of Jono's SDM acting, he never allowed them to find out this information, until the last few weeks before the relationship started.
Jono kept to a promise that he had made to one amazing Kyla Fullerton, by informing her of who he liked. Jono confided in this amazing girl and through her integrity as a person, Kyla kept this gigantic secret from all those that surrounded her.
Weeks went on and it become increasingly obvious to Lauren as to the feelings of Jono. Lauren and Jono were in contact everyday, having the awesome Blob game as an excuse. The affection for one another came to an almighty climax, when Lauren could do no other than confront Jono about the suspicions. About 3 weeks ago, Jono and Lauren sat up on the phone talking about one anothers feelings and a whole bunch of other stuff till 4:30am. It was an epic phone conversation, but it was resolved that for the moment they couldn't date and it was agreed that there could be no awkwardness between them. The reasoning behind them not dating, then and there, was the reservations from Lauren. There were some complicating issues which surrounded the situation, one of which was the fact that Lauren is a Youth Group Leader of Jono.
Well holidays were upon the two of them and as they were separated for a week, the force of their affections became way too much to handle. Lauren planned a meeting with the audacious Youth Minister, Simon Albury, as to clarify whether the realtionship could occur between Lauren and Jono. As Jono and Lauren were peers, before Lauren was in a leadership position, Simon gave it the two thumbs up, however he said that he had to seek some confirmation from a person higher up then him. This created an awkward moment, as that person was none other than Russell Croxford, the father of Jono. Both Russell and Simon said that it was ok, however having Russell know of the connection between Jono and Lauren, it created some awkward moments at home.
Well the following Tuesday, Lauren updated Jono on the situation and placed the decision on him as to whether they were to embark on a relationship with one another. It came to Wednesday night, at Jono's house for a sleepover with Ben Chong, Kelly Styles and Jayson Vella, where Lauren and Jono were having great difficulty sleeping, as they were thinking about one another. Lauren decided that it had to happen that night, otherwise neither of them would sleep, so they went and talked at 4:30am in the Croxford's garage. It was there decided after many analogies and laughs that Jono and Lauren were to date.

It has now been a week of Jono and I going out. We are both very happy and are continually in contact with one another, taking every opportunity to talk or hang out. It is very hard having Jono in Year 12 and me being in Uni, as I have to think about how long I am on the phone or hanging out with Jono. I wish it were holidays again, as I wouldn't have to think about it as much. Jono and I have now been on about three dates and are meeting up today for about an hour. We have our first Youth Group together tonight and it will be interesting to see how that goes.
So ends my amazing story of Jono and Lauren and their relationship, which we hope will conitnue for a lot longer.