I had never heard of someone being chivalrous before becoming friends with one Chris Davies, now all I hear is people acting chivalrously and how someone could be more chivalrous or people having admiration for the level of chivalry.
I was out to dinner with a good friend tonight and they asked me a bizarre, random, yet interesting question...who do you think is the most chivalrous person in our church? This was then closely followed by, who do you think is the most genuine?
These are two incredibly difficult questions to answer and the fact is I am still so vague on the whole issue of acting chivalrously.
So what does Chivalry mean? I found a dictionary meaning which said "the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, courage, honour, courtesy, justice and readiness to help the weak." Yes this is a great definition, but not the one I was most after nor the one I am trying to explain. The next definition was "a man's courteous behaviour, especially towards women." This is the definition that I knew of and was explained to me, by Christopher Davies.
I haven't made up my mind whether I like the act of chivalry, as it is for women and it is showing a courteous nature towards women, for example, opening a door, standing when women enter the room, offering to pay etc. I don't know if I like this sentiment as I am someone that never wants to see women as weak people, I am not a feminist, yet someone that wants to get in and play hard and get rough with guys. I don't ever want to feel weak or not as dominant as men.
Honestly I think chivalry can just be classsified as having manners and not being chivalrous. Therefore if it was just classified as manners, men wouldn't have to make women look weak, everyone could have manners and then I wouldn't have to post about this subject.
In saying all this, there are things that really upset me about people and manners. For example; I cannot stand if people do not offer for things, however I understand that sometimes it is awkward, yet it is still polite. Along with manners, I cannot stand when people burp out loud (cough, cough, Elissa and Allysha). I cannot stand rudeness, I am going to make a fine Finishing School teacher one day. Simple please and thank you's and offering to help clean up, pack up or cook.
What really upsets me is when people say they are trying to act chivalrously, yet still fail to have common manners, it is defeating the purpose of it.
So chivalry, I think is bad and makes women look weak and that they cannot hold there own. However acting and being conscience of your manners, is something I value in people.
About Me
- Lauren Pinches
- I am a Deakin University Student in my third year of University, where I am studying to be a Primary School Teacher. I have wanted to be a teacher for a few years now and have a great passion for educating future generations.
5 comments:
I liked this blog. Capable of some very thought provoking/controversial conversation.
I have always been one to open doors for people, etc. There is a limit, there are some things I won't do because I'll feel weird. Eg. Standing up when a girl walks into the room, or pushing in her chair for her. But I, like you, value good manners.
When people leave my house, but forget to say goodbye to my family or thank you to parents for having them over for dinner, I almost feel like reminding them to say thank you. But it's not really my place. I know you understand how I feel in this situation.
I don't think chivalry is a bad thing, if done with the right intentions. Yes, it can be looked at as putting women in a weaker position, but for me, I want to be chivalrous just because it's a decent thing to do. I open just as many doors for guys as I do girls.
Also, the knight's definition of chivalry? That's the true definition. The one that is synonomous with gallantry - the qualities of a hero or heroine, valour, honour, courage, justice. That's what the one Chris told you came from. And today, where women are (ideally) just as equal as men, chivalry is about being that to both genders. Well, for me anyway.
I feel so bad commenting on this post. I don't actually know how polite I am and whether I have good manner or not, but I do know that a lot of the time I do do things, or forget to do things, that would be right and mannerous.
I belive I do a lot of things good, in these respects, but I also do not do a lot of things I also could, like offering to do things all the time. I generally don't offer to do things, I know I should, but I don't. I am always willing to do stuff, I just don't think to offer, a lot of the time. This is an example of one issue I have. I don't know. Is this sort of thing bad, or normal, or what?
I'm someone who likes to think of themself as being polite to both the Chivalrer and the Chivalrery, those who give and those who recieve Chivalry. This may seem like an odd concept but I think it has it's merits.
I don't want to get in the way of any Chivalrous act, so I bide my time. There are people that are more adapt at such things and that are quicker to do so than I am and also seem to really enjoy it. So I would prefer to let such a person do such things than get in their way. I prefer to do the smaller more subtle things.
Common kindness and compassion towards all people is something I firmly believe in and I think this extends to what you think of chivalry. The word chivalry seems like it causes more trouble than it should.
There is a lot more to say on the issue but I'm currently falling asleep and am unable to really clearly express myself. I would just like to say I really really like the knight definition.
I am so glad you guys have all commented on the topic of 'chivalry'.
Acts of chivalry can be taken wrong and can easily be translated as gallantry, which is bad and I hope I never fall for that.
Ben, I am the same with parents and family. I also can't stand it if my friends come in, then go out without even taking the time to acknowledge them. Also simply saying please and thank you, to mum or dad particularly is very important.
Jono, when meeting different families and going into their houses, I often get really nervous with saying hi to everyone or offering do to things, so it is normal. However it is good to try and offer, even if the person says no. Offers will more often than not be pushed back, but it is in the offering to help that means the most.
Matt, subtle chivalrous acts, I can handle, however for example; if a guy asks if they can take my bag, I will almost always say no, yet if they take it anyway and say some crappy remark like 'oh it is too heavy', This is when I get angry. However the subtle things like allowing a women to go ahead or just opening a door, is really polite and taken with much appreciation.
I don't think chivalry should be used, if everyone just acted politely with manners then there would be no need for it to be classed just for men.
I agree. I try to be polite and offer to do things when I'm at people's houses, but most of the time I forget.. I know this is bad and impolite so it is something I have to try to remember.
Chivalry is confusing, because I really like it if someone opens a door for me, whether it's a guy or girl so I try to do it sometimes. What I don't like is when I open a door for a group of people and one of the guys says 'Oh, you're a girl. I should be the one doing that.' and grabs the door. That makes me feel weak and inferior.
Good blog, Lauren! It's making me think about my manners..
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